People from cities go to university more often than those who live in the country. Some people think that the government should make it easier to enter universities for people who live outside of cities and towns by setting lower entry requirements and tuition fees. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
#people #cities #university #country #government #universities #towns #entry #requirements #tuition #fees
Education
has become more important which ensures one gets a high-paying job and improves the quality of life. However
, students from the countryside have a lower college
admission rate than those from the cities. As a result
, some suggested that the government should lower the entry requirements as well as
the tuition fees so those who live outside of cities can also
get a college
education
. I believe that the major obstacle that stops people from the country from having further
schooling is the financial burden rather than their study ability.
It is true that if a college
lowers its admission standard, more students can receive a college
education
. However
, unfortunately, that doesn't mean all of them can graduate with a bachelor’s degree. The enrollment requirements were set in order to secure the excellent academic standard of a school, especially for subjects like, psychology and engineering, which require higher academic performance. As a result
, lowering the enrollment requirements only can higher the admission rate for people from the country but doesn't help them to solve their problems.
Wealth inequality is the major cause of the population from rural areas having a low college
enrollment rate. Therefore
, in my opinion, providing financial aid and subsidies for those households is a better solution. Families living in rural regions usually have low incomes but the college
expenses are high; thus
, even if their children have great academic performance, families cannot afford them to continue with their learning. By giving these families financial support, talented children can continue with their education
so they can learn skills and knowledge, and get a high pay job in the future. Furthermore
, these children can bring those back to their original city and improve the living standard there.
In conclusion, there are many talented students who live in the country who do not get higher education
due to
poverty. As a result
, from my point of view, giving them money support is the most productive way to fight this
problem.Submitted by puimei822 on
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task achievement
You have provided a clear position and supported it throughout the essay. However, try to include more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could cite statistics or case studies regarding financial aid programs' impact in other countries.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, there are a few areas where transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Try to use more linking words and phrases to ensure seamless flow between the ideas. Examples include 'Moreover,' 'On the other hand,' and 'Consequently.'
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both strong and clearly outline and reinforce your main argument. This creates a good framework for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is commendable. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, which adds clarity to your overall argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, making it easier for the reader to understand your viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.