In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, in a lot of nations,
individuals
are staying alive longer than before. It is argued among people
that this
notion is problematic for governments
, while
others have this
belief that old people
can bring advantages to society.
I wholeheartedly believe that this
statement has a lot of cons for a country, such
as a large budget that needs to be considered for elderly people
and not having enough services
for other individuals
because of them.
To begin
with, although
old people
are the main pillars of a family, moreover
, they are a source of stability, taking care of them is very difficult. It means governments
need to have more elderly houses with many
equipment so that they can create a safe space for them. Correct word choice
apply
In addition
, more staff need to be hired for their protection; all of this
work requires money
. Countries can spend that money
on crucial fields rather than old individuals
.
For instance
, in Germany, the population of middle-aged people
is higher than other age groups, which is why their governments
have no choice but to consider a lot of money
for their old population.
Another major issue with this
notion is that with more old people
, young people
might not get enough services
from their nation due to
the reason that older individuals
are getting more healthcare services
and more attention from governments
. Also
, with the pensions that older people
are receiving from governments
, other people
’s salaries might not be enough for them.
To sum up
, as I mentioned, I do not think that an old population can bring benefits to a country. Also
, I think the cons of this
statement will outweigh the pros because having middle-aged people
means more money
and a lack of services
for other age groups.Submitted by abbasisarina340 on
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Task Achievement
While you've articulated a clear standpoint arguing against the benefits of an ageing population, consider strengthening your essay by exploring both sides more comprehensively. This will enable a more balanced discussion, thereby addressing the essay question more fully.
Task Achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will not only make your essay more persuasive but also demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid phrases that might seem informal or conversational.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically flows to the next. You've done well in structuring your essay; just make sure your ideas within paragraphs are also cohesive, perhaps by using more varied linking words.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay successfully introduces and concludes with clear positions on the topic, outlining the disadvantages of an ageing population well.
Logical Structure
You've done well in maintaining a logical structure throughout the essay, which helps in making your arguments clear and understandable.
Supported Main Points
The use of an example (Germany) shows an attempt to support your points with specific references, which adds credibility to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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