These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be reason for this? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

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These days, many
women
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go out to work,
while
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fathers remain at
home
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to look after children.
This
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essay will examine the reasons for
this
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role reversal and explain why it may bring adverse consequences. First of all, these
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
many
Correct quantifier usage
more
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girls are entering universities than ever before. Pursuing higher education enables girls to acquire
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
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and knowledge required for a job.
According to
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statistics from the World Education Organization, 80% of
women
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globally have an academic education.
This
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acquired academic knowledge,
therefore
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, could play a crucial role in
women
Use synonyms
's adoption of jobs.
Furthermore
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,
women
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's tendency to work stems from their desire to be financially independent, which increases their self-confidence.
Nevertheless
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, mothers' absence from
home
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for several hours a day could bring a sense of loneliness to children. Many fathers are intrinsically less patient and get angry easily in difficult situations. These characteristics make them unsuitable caregivers.
For instance
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, when a boy breaks the neighbour's window during a football game with friends, he prefers to hide
this
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issue from his father since he may punish him,
whereas
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many mothers act mildly and kindly in
such
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circumstances.
This
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highlights the mother's role in making the
home
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atmosphere more peaceful.
On the other hand
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, males are physically strong, making them compatible with demanding outdoor jobs.
As a result
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, traditional ways of managing a family ensure more sustainability. In conclusion, the promotion of
women
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's entrance into universities paved the way for their influential presence in the job market.
Nonetheless
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, the more time mothers spend away from
home
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, the higher the likelihood of children's mental harm. So, if people wish to have a sustainable family, I believe that managing the family in traditional ways is more advisable.

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to further illustrate your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that your transition phrases effectively connect different sections of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a well-rounded structure.
task achievement
The arguments regarding women's education and financial independence are clearly articulated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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