Students from disadvantaged families and rural areas are finding it difficult to get a university education in many countries. Some people believe that universities and authorities should help them so that they can get a university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #families #areas #university #education #countries #people #universities #authorities

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Being able to receive proper

education

is considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a human right, including in Indonesia,

however

, there are still many children, especially from disadvantaged families and areas away from the city who do not have access to

education

Therefore

, I strongly agree that universities and authorities must lend a helping hand to

this

population.

First,

families in rural areas tend to lack resources,

this

includes lack of communication devices and transportation. Not only does

this

affect the amount of effort they have to put in, but it is

also

considered unfair, as students from the cities can simply take the bus and train to go to school. An example of

this

is when I went volunteering on the outskirts of Jakarta, and I saw mothers carrying their children across a river just to go to school.

In addition

to the lack of resources,

this

also

means that economically, they are at a disadvantage. For most of them, paying for lunch and breakfast is already a huge burden as they do not receive a lot of income. Adding to that,

education

fees are very expensive these days.

Thus

, it is almost impossible for them to pay fully all the tuition payments without any help from external parties. In conclusion, external parties

such

as authorities, governments, and universities, should help students in difficult situations, just because everyone deserves to receive a proper

education

, whatever their background is.

Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on Sat Feb 17 2024

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Develop each main point with specific examples and explanations. While you've provided some examples, adding more detailed and diverse situations can enhance the depth of your argument and make your essay more compelling.

Coherence & Cohesion

Improve transitions between paragraphs and sentences to ensure that your essay flows smoothly. Using linking words effectively will help in achieving a better coherence and cohesion score.

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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Sentence 1 - Summary
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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

235 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

educational inequality
equitable society
financial aid
scholarships
preparatory courses
educational infrastructure
mentoring programs
affirmative action
distance learning
online learning
remote areas
local communities
aspiring students
financial constraints
bridging the gap

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Students from disadvantaged families and rural areas are finding it difficult to get a university education in many countries. Some people believe that universities and authorities should help them so that they can get a university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think that it depends on factors such as money or personal appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.