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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the percentage ofhouseholds with different kinds of technology in theU.S.from 1995 to 1999.Summarize the informationby selecting and reporting the main features, andmake comparisons where relevant.Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the percentage ofhouseholds with different kinds of technology in theU.S.from 1995 to 1999.Summarize the informationby selecting and reporting the main features, andmake comparisons where relevant.Write at least 150 words.
#percentage #ofhouseholds #kinds #technology #theu #informationby #features #andmake #comparisons
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The line chart compares the proportion of
five
Use synonyms
 different techniques used in
American
Correct your spelling
America
show examples
 over a period of
five
Use synonyms
 years.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 all of these
five
Use synonyms
 technologies saw an upward trend from 1995 to 1999,
while
Linking Words
DVD
Correct article usage
the DVD
show examples
 player experienced a fluctuation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the washing machine was taken in
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 more widely than others in the
five
Use synonyms
 years, with the percentage of 60%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1995 and
finally
Linking Words
 rose up to 80%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there was 40% family in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 owned computers in their home
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1995,
while
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 figures for
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 was only 19%.
However
Linking Words
, usage of
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 experienced a dramatic increase and overtook the computer during 1998, becoming the second one.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the percentage of having DVD player took up
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25% at
first,
Linking Words
but saw a decrease to 15% in the next year, making the figures significantly close to the phone owners. And the two devices kept a similar trend in the next three years,
finally
Linking Words
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 40% and 50% in 1999 respectively.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words five with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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