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Writing Samples
Band 7

At present the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer with relevant example.

#population #countries #adults #people
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In contemporary society, certain nations are experiencing a demographic imbalance, with a substantial proportion of youths and a comparatively minority of elderlies.
This
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 situation prompts a critical examination of whether the benefits of a juvenile-dominated
population
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 surpass the drawbacks.
This
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 essay will explore the merits and demerits of
such
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 a demographic shift, supported by relevant examples and personal insights. On the one hand, a significant virtue of having numerous youngsters in a
population
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 is the potential
for driving
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to drive
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 economic growth and innovation. Adolescents are often more energetic, adaptable, and open to new ideas, which can lead to increased productivity and creativity in various sectors.
For instance
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, countries with a high proportion of younglings,
such
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 as South Korea and Singapore, have seen rapid economic development
due to
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 their dynamic and skilled workforce.
Furthermore
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, the presence of a youthful
population
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 can
also
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 contribute to a stronger consumer base, driving demand for goods and services and stimulating lucrative activities.
Conversely
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, a notable demerit of an imbalanced age distribution is the strain it can put on social welfare systems and healthcare courtesies. With a minority of aged individuals contributing to the workforce and depending on pensions and healthcare benefits, there may be challenges in funding and sustaining these essential benevolences. As evidence, in Japan, where the
population
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 is
aging
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ageing
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 rapidly, the government faces difficulties in providing adequate care for the elderly and ensuring the long-term sustainability of social security programs. In conclusion,
while
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 a
population
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 skewed towards adolescents can bring about gainful advantages through innovation and productivity,
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moreover
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moreover,
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 it is imperative for policymakers to address the needs of both age groups to ensure sustainable development and well-being for all members of society.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This will enhance the coherence of your essay even further.
Task Achievement
Although you provided examples such as South Korea and Japan, for stronger task achievement, try to incorporate a broader range of evidence or data to support your arguments.
Logical Structure
You followed a clear logical structure throughout your essay, which made your arguments easy to follow.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion were both effectively crafted, framing your essay very well.
Supported Main Points
You articulated your points clearly and supported them with relevant examples, which enhanced the persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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