At present the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer with relevant example.

In contemporary society, certain nations are experiencing a demographic imbalance, with a substantial proportion of youths and a comparatively minority of elderlies.
This
situation prompts a critical examination of whether the benefits of a juvenile-dominated
population
surpass the drawbacks.
This
essay will explore the merits and demerits of
such
a demographic shift, supported by relevant examples and personal insights. On the one hand, a significant virtue of having numerous youngsters in a
population
is the potential
for driving
Change preposition
to drive
show examples
economic growth and innovation. Adolescents are often more energetic, adaptable, and open to new ideas, which can lead to increased productivity and creativity in various sectors.
For instance
, countries with a high proportion of younglings,
such
as South Korea and Singapore, have seen rapid economic development
due to
their dynamic and skilled workforce.
Furthermore
, the presence of a youthful
population
can
also
contribute to a stronger consumer base, driving demand for goods and services and stimulating lucrative activities.
Conversely
, a notable demerit of an imbalanced age distribution is the strain it can put on social welfare systems and healthcare courtesies. With a minority of aged individuals contributing to the workforce and depending on pensions and healthcare benefits, there may be challenges in funding and sustaining these essential benevolences. As evidence, in Japan, where the
population
is
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
rapidly, the government faces difficulties in providing adequate care for the elderly and ensuring the long-term sustainability of social security programs. In conclusion,
while
a
population
skewed towards adolescents can bring about gainful advantages through innovation and productivity,
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
it is imperative for policymakers to address the needs of both age groups to ensure sustainable development and well-being for all members of society.
Submitted by majid.ebadi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This will enhance the coherence of your essay even further.
Task Achievement
Although you provided examples such as South Korea and Japan, for stronger task achievement, try to incorporate a broader range of evidence or data to support your arguments.
Logical Structure
You followed a clear logical structure throughout your essay, which made your arguments easy to follow.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion were both effectively crafted, framing your essay very well.
Supported Main Points
You articulated your points clearly and supported them with relevant examples, which enhanced the persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: