IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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Some individuals have little
time
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 for pastimes
due to
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 working too many
hours
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.
It is clear that
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 the downsides of working long
hours
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 including relationship issues,
as well as
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, mental, and physical complications outweigh the benefits of increased productivity and extra income.
Firstly
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, one major drawback of people prioritizing
work
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 over personal
time
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 is relationship conflicts.
This
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 is
due to
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 them not having free
time
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 to spend with their loved ones, making their bond weaken over
time
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.
As a result
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, one may face family arguing and friendship loss. As an example, studies have shown that entrepreneurs often get divorced when trying to achieve success,
as a consequence
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 of their
work
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 habits.
Furthermore
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, another negative side of individuals who do not have enough
time
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 for themselves concerns their psychological and physical health and the potential risk of developing diseases.
This
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 is because their workout routine and hobby habits may be compromised
due to
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 a shortage of free
time
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.
For example
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, anxiety and tendonitis are often some of the main consequences of people overworking themselves and not being able to exercise regularly.
However
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, there are
also
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 a few merits to
this
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 lifestyle.
For instance
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, productivity is usually increased
due to
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 workers being able to complete more tasks by working a few more
hours
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 at night,
instead
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 of keeping to commercial
hours
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.
Additionally
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, employees have the opportunity to ask for a pay rise as a reward for their effort,
while
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 self-employers may earn more income by delivering more products to clients. In conclusion,
while
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 there are some advantages to doing extra
hours
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 at
work
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,
such
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 as achieving higher productivity and earning more income, there are more significant disadvantages that should be considered, including relationship difficulties,
as well as
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, mental and physical illness.
Therefore
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, to achieve a healthier lifestyle individuals should try balancing leisure
time
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 with their
work
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 routine.

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task achievement
While you've supported your points well, consider integrating even more varied and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments and provide a richer context.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, work on more intricate linking of ideas between paragraphs. This can be achieved through transitional phrases that not only show the relationship between paragraphs but also within them.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and your conclusion succinctly wraps up your arguments, showcasing a strong structure.
task achievement
You've provided a well-rounded viewpoint by discussing both the disadvantages and advantages, fulfilling the task's requirements comprehensively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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