Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In
the
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apply
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contemporary society, many
youngesters
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youngsters
prefer to spend most of the day on their electronic gadgets. The reasons behind
this
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phenomenun
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phenomenon
is
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are
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mainly because of the cutting-edge technology of
this
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century which carries diverse outcomes; both beneficial and harmful ones.
Due to
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the prevalence of technology,
children
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are bound to spend their
lesiure
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leisure
time on their mobile phones in order to be part of the community.
As a result
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, nowadays many
children
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contribute
in
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to
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online activities just to be part of the current trend which deprives them of physical means of
comminucation
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communication
.
Furthermore
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, the
bombard
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bombardment
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of information
that is
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channeled
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channelled
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through their smartphones makes it hard for them to find unrelated topics
intereasting
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interesting
. Take virtual reality as an example; after the inauguration of
this
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feature,
children
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find it challenging to enjoy their day-to-day activities because it is not as
exiting
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exciting
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as a virtually
colorful
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colourful
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world with no
boundries
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boundaries
.
While
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this
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development can be considered useful for
youngesters'
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youngsters
youngsters's
educational
porpuses
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purposes
show examples
, I adhere to the belief that it brings around more chaos rather than aid.
Moreover
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, the younger population of society are now more prone to various diseases
due to
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the lack of physical activities;
therefore
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,
lower
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lowers
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their chance of daily exposure to sunlight which can cause vitamin D
defficiency
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deficiency
. A recent study demonstrates that around half of the younger generation are suffering from eye conditions on a daily basis.
Additionally
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, these people have a smaller circle of genuine companions and more superficial connections with their peers which would become problematic as they tend to get older. In a nutshell, the ubiquity of personal phones among
children
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is mainly because of current social
costums
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customs
which
requires
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require
show examples
being online more often.
Consequently
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,
this
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approach results in damaging effects that prevail over
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apply
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the
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apply
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positive ones.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs to aid readability and flow.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your examples with more detail to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Review for minor spelling or grammatical errors to enhance clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Stay focused on directly answering the question, particularly when discussing whether this development is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the topic.
coherence cohesion
Arguments are well-structured and the essay presents a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
You've effectively used examples to support your main points, enhancing your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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