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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many famous sports players advertise products. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#sports #players #products #development
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There is a growing concern revolving around a lot of famous sports players advertising the
product
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. From my point of view, well-known
people
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 introducing the
product
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 would undoubtedly bring advantages, but there are
also
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 inevitable disadvantages. On the one hand, I believe that there are several shortcomings in advertising
products
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 by well-known sports players.
Firstly
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, the
products
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 are able to harm the customers
due to
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 their low quality. Because of
this
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, the customers can be allergic to the unexpected ingredients of the
products
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 or they can be in danger of poisoning themselves because they used too much.
Thus
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, it will affect the reputation of well-known players widely.
Secondly
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, if the need increases dramatically in the market
due to
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 the success of the
product
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, many fake relevance easily follow the trend.
As a result
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,
this
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 can not only lead to repercussions for customers, but it
also
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 will destroy the reputation of expertise.
On the other hand
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, there are still many benefits from introducing
products
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 for the customer and famous individuals.
Firstly
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, famous
people
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 will earn more money by introducing
products
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.
For example
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, the quality of
products
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 was proven by them resulting in
people
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 using the
product
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 confidently.
Therefore
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, they will earn a commission thanks to advertising
products
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 for the company.
Secondly
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, the customer will know the
product
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 more quickly
due to
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 advertisements of well-known athletes. In fact, A lot of
people
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 know about reputable
products
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 thanks to the introduction of famous athletes,
this
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 means that they will definitely have opportunities to use many of the good
products
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 in the market. In conclusion, famous
people
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 introducing
products
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 can be advantageous, but throughout consideration should be taken in order not to lead to the drawbacks of advertising
products
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 by them.
Submitted by phuocsang4567 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your task achievement, strive to provide more specific examples that directly support your arguments. This will add depth to your discussion and make your points more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
Task Achievement
You have provided a well-balanced discussion on the advantages and disadvantages, which shows a clear understanding of the task requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively bookend your essay, contributing to its overall structure and clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebrities
  • brand ambassadors
  • visibility
  • credibility
  • skepticism
  • endorsements
  • commercialization
  • dilute
  • accomplishments
  • costly
  • investment
  • return on investment
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