IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

“Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.”

#“some #people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
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Whether the dwindling proportion of the flora and fauna is of utmost importance compared to other environmental issues or not is a crucial subject of public concern and debate.
Although
Linking Words
 the devastating influences of the loss of particular species of plants and animals are inevitable, I will argue that there are more essential barriers
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in need of
approperiate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 solutions as soon as possible. There is a widely held view that the conservation of wildlife including all the live species is assumed to be a
significance
Replace the word
significant
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 that all the authorities have to pay attention
, and
Change preposition
to, and
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 even more
that
Correct your spelling
than
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 other environmental problems. To clarify, individuals hold the view that
this
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 factor will bring about some
further
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 consequences. The chief
one
Use synonyms
 might be the unavoidable role of plants in the production of oxygen
,
Correct word choice
and, likewise
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likewise
Linking Words
, its value in the food industries.
Additionally
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, the animals are alleged to be considered as a main part of
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
an ecosystem
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 in which we are.
Thus
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, their extinction will
root
Add a missing verb
be root
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 in our health and food obstacles. Environmental issues,
on the other hand
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, are various on account of the fact that we as humankind have reformed nature entirely to benefit from that. It is believed that there are
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 more vital problems with regard to Mother Nature,
one
Use synonyms
 of which is air pollution. On a daily basis, we have been confronted with
this
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 barrier for many years since the
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
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.
This
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 factor
have
Change the verb form
has
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 some long-lasting drawbacks
on
Change preposition
for
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 humanity and more importantly wildlife.
In addition
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, not only does it have triggered several effects on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 directly, but
also
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 it will contaminate some natural resources as well. To illustrate, water contamination and acid
rains
Fix the agreement mistake
rain
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 are some of the detrimental points of that. In conclusion, I argued that there is a common belief about the vital and widespread impact of decreasing amount of plants and animals on the environment and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humen
Correct your spelling
human
 being,
while
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 it is not to be the most
pevital
Correct your spelling
pivotal
vital
one
Use synonyms
as well as
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 addressing the more dangerous
one
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on

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Grammar
Ensure consistent subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles. For instance, 'flora and fauna is' should be 'flora and fauna are', and 'in need of approperiate solutions' could be 'in need of appropriate solutions'.
Supporting Details
Increase specificity and clarity in examples and arguments to strengthen your essay. For example, detailing how air pollution directly impacts both humans and wildlife could make your argument more persuasive.
Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance readability and engagement. Mixing complex and simple sentences can make your writing more dynamic.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both views and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirement.
Organization
Good use of paragraphing to structure arguments on different views, aiding coherence and cohesion.
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