IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that workers have worked in a company for long years should be promoted. What is your opinion.

In
this
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 rapidly progressing universe, the advancement in technology is soaring day by day. So it is a necessity to have experienced professionals in order to discover new ideas;
therefore
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, it is essential to provide promotions to individuals in a
company
Use synonyms
.
However
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, few individuals argue that employees who have worked for a firm for so many years must be promoted.
To begin
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 with, an individual who has served in a
company
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 for many years has to be promoted because they are the ones who have excelled in their respective field of work.
For instance
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, if a newly hired individual who is hired by a
company
Use synonyms
 tends to make errors, an experienced employee can rectify the bugs they have made and
also
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 guide them on how to stay away from errors. As bugs depreciate, the probability of
company
Use synonyms
 turnover and productivity rises gradually.
On the contrary
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, creativity and adaptability typically take a back seat.
For instance
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, in an organisation
that is
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 run by old-timers,
this
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 is mainly because they are not aware of the current trajectory.
Hence
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, it is not efficient for the present level of productivity. so that the companies are forced to have skilled labour in order to use their current strategies. At the same instant, a promoted employee must admit the pain and moral values of employees and organisations.
Along with
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 that, an ideal leader should be one who collaborates with their employees. All things considered, A rightful organisation should promote individuals having experience for a long time,
whereas
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 I strongly believe that skilled must be treated well in order to increase the productivity and turnover of the
company
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both sides of the promotion issue based on tenure, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task. However, expanding the range of examples provided could add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words. This will make transitions between ideas smoother and your essay more engaging.
task achievement
In the conclusion, while summarizing the main points, also consider clearly stating your position on the matter. This helps in clarifying your stance to the reader and fulfilling the task requirements more completely.
logical structure
You have demonstrated a good logical structure by introducing both sides of the argument and providing supporting points.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a solid framework for your essay.
supported main points
Your main points are supported, which helps in conveying your argument to the reader effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long-term loyalty
  • deep understanding
  • invaluable qualities
  • higher-level positions
  • leadership skills
  • decision-making
  • mentor
  • boost morale
  • turnover rates
  • performance and competence
  • tenure
  • fresh perspectives
  • innovation
  • balanced approach
  • merit-based
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