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Band 4.5

Some people think that all school students should learn a foreign language. Others think that a students should not be required to learn a foreign language if he or she does not have talent for it Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #school #students #language #talent
Although
 it is sometimes thought that every school
pupils
Fix the agreement mistake
pupil
show examples
 should have to learn a foreign
laguage
Correct your spelling
language
, other
people
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
 do not need to learn a foreign
language
 if they do not have skills. In my
poinin
Correct your spelling
opinion
point
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 consider that every student
sould
Correct your spelling
should
 have the knowledge of foreign
language
 to perform in
this
 competitive world. On the one hand, Some
people
 think that in all schools
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 ought to learn
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language
 for their future betterment and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
.
In other words
, many higher
students
 are facing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
hurdles
while
 speaking a foreign
laguage
Correct your spelling
language
.
As a result
, they could not obtain the higher success in their career.
For example
, nowadays,
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 valuable
language
 is
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
language
, but some
pleple
Correct your spelling
people
 do not raise
thair
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 and
performence
Correct your spelling
performance
,
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Furthermore
, many companies
targeting
Wrong verb form
target
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
foreign clients for
busness expantion
Correct your spelling
business expansion
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
world-wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 and to
conveince
Correct your spelling
convince
convenience
 them they require a
employeer
Correct your spelling
employer
employee
, who has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 strong command
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 foreign
laguage
Correct your spelling
language
 and fluency, so they can communicate sufficiently with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 and grab the deals.
On the other hand
, it is often believed that learning a foreign
language
 is not
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
necessary if
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 facing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
difficulties because of less talent. So
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
students
 are not
perfoming
Correct your spelling
performing
 well in their own traditional
laguages
Correct your spelling
languages
 and other subjects,
people
 think it is enough to complete their education rather than
struggeling
Correct your spelling
struggling
 in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language
. In some nations,
For instance
, japan, china and
south korea
Correct your spelling
South Korea
show examples
, in these
nation's
Change noun form
nations'
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
, they
gives
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give
show examples
 the primary
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 to their national
language
instead
 of focusing on other foreign
laguage
Correct your spelling
language
languages
.
This
 is
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
, they think their
laguage
Correct your spelling
language
luggage
 is sufficient for their
childrence
Correct your spelling
children
 and they can learn foreign
laguage
Correct your spelling
language
languages
 in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future as per their requirements. Another
reasons
Replace the adjective
reason
show examples
 is some countries respect their own traditional
language
 and they want to pass
on
Correct pronoun usage
it on
show examples
 to the next generations. In conclusion,
while
people
 may vary in their opinion, I think that having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multiple foreign
laguage
Correct your spelling
language
 skills will always be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
beneficial for
students
 in their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by dharmadhikaria07 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to clearly structure your argument with distinct paragraphs for each main point and use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion succinctly present your main argument and summaries your stance effectively.
task achievement
Fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear personal stance throughout the essay.
task achievement
Aim for clarity in expressing your ideas. This may involve more careful planning and reviewing of your work to ensure ideas are comprehensively and effectively communicated.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments, making sure they clearly relate to the points you are making.
task achievement
You have engaged with the topic and provided a clear personal opinion, which is good for addressing the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, discussing both views before concluding with your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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