More and more people are leaving countryside to live in cities. Do more advantages or disadvantages of this development for environment
In today's modernized era and as we live in a
captilist
world, a huge number of individuals are deciding to move to the big cities. Correct your spelling
capitalist
consequently
, this
leads us to pose a question, does
the benefits of Change the verb form
do
this
phenomenon outweigh the drawbacks? From my perspective, this
trend could have a noticeable detrimental impact on the environment which we need to be aware of it
.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
First
thing that comes to mind is the effect Add an article
The first
on
pollution. To put it simply, those people who Change preposition
of
travelled
to cities will cause a substantial increase in the amount of toxic emissions that Wrong verb form
travel
whether
will be Correct word choice
apply
prodeced
by their cars or the factories that they will work in. Remarkably, one marvellous illustration of Correct your spelling
produced
protected
this
is when the industrial revolution started, thousands of countryside's
population Correct article usage
the countryside's
shose
to live in a city far from nature which led to neglect Correct your spelling
chose
rural
areas Change preposition
of rural
as well as
escalating pollution.
Secondly
, this
development has additionally
led to Correct article usage
the lose
lose
Replace the word
loss
considerable
areas in nature. By the time Change preposition
of considerable
that
people leave their natural areas, they will be under the Correct word choice
apply
dengar
of being taken over by Correct your spelling
danger
the
urbanization. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, nowadays, after several movements to the prospered towns, many rural villages that have a wealth of trees and farms become overlooked.
In conclusion, as we have seen, numerous disadvantages has
Change the verb form
have
this
trend on our envirnment
that both Correct your spelling
environment
us
and our governments are accountable Change the pronoun
we
to save
it.Change preposition
for saving
Submitted by a.awh05 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, while your essay follows a logical structure, consider varying your linking words and phrases to enhance the flow. Additionally, ensure paragraphs are well-developed with clear main ideas supported by specific examples.
Task Achievement
On task achievement, you have addressed the question and presented a clear opinion. Aim to develop your ideas further with more detailed examples and explanations to fully meet the task requirements. Also, addressing the advantages more explicitly could provide a more balanced view.
Task Achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and indicates your viewpoint, demonstrating good task response.
Language Use
You've used a range of vocabulary to express your ideas, which is beneficial for impressing the examiner.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion) is well organized, aiding the reader's understanding.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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