More and more people are leaving countryside to live in cities. Do more advantages or disadvantages of this development for environment

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In today's modernized era and as we live in a
captilist
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capitalist
world, a huge number of individuals are deciding to move to the big cities.
consequently
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,
this
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leads us to pose a question,
does
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do
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the benefits of
this
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phenomenon outweigh the drawbacks? From my perspective,
this
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trend could have a noticeable detrimental impact on the environment which we need to be aware of
it
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apply
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.
First
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The first
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thing that comes to mind is the effect
on
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of
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pollution. To put it simply, those people who
travelled
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travel
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to cities will cause a substantial increase in the amount of toxic emissions that
whether
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apply
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will be
prodeced
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produced
protected
by their cars or the factories that they will work in. Remarkably, one marvellous illustration of
this
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is when the industrial revolution started, thousands of
countryside's
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the countryside's
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population
shose
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chose
to live in a city far from nature which led to neglect
rural
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of rural
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areas
as well as
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escalating pollution.
Secondly
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,
this
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development has
additionally
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led to
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the lose
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lose
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loss
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considerable
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of considerable
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areas in nature. By the time
that
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apply
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people leave their natural areas, they will be under the
dengar
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danger
of being taken over by
the
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apply
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urbanization.
For instance
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, nowadays, after several movements to the prospered towns, many rural villages that have a wealth of trees and farms become overlooked. In conclusion, as we have seen, numerous disadvantages
has
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have
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this
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trend on our
envirnment
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environment
that both
us
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we
show examples
and our governments are accountable
to save
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for saving
show examples
it.
Submitted by a.awh05 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, while your essay follows a logical structure, consider varying your linking words and phrases to enhance the flow. Additionally, ensure paragraphs are well-developed with clear main ideas supported by specific examples.
Task Achievement
On task achievement, you have addressed the question and presented a clear opinion. Aim to develop your ideas further with more detailed examples and explanations to fully meet the task requirements. Also, addressing the advantages more explicitly could provide a more balanced view.
Task Achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and indicates your viewpoint, demonstrating good task response.
Language Use
You've used a range of vocabulary to express your ideas, which is beneficial for impressing the examiner.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion) is well organized, aiding the reader's understanding.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • ecosystems
  • economies of scale
  • public transportation
  • reforestation
  • rewilding
  • biodiversity
  • pollution
  • waste production
  • habitat destruction
  • fragmentation
  • traditional agricultural practices
  • sustainable
  • recycling
  • waste management
  • heat islands
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • rural-to-urban shift
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