Many companies are developing electronic books. Some people think these books will replace paper books in the future. To what extent do you agree.

Nowadays, the majority of
people
are of the opinion that paper
books
will be replaced with electronic
books
which are developing by some companies. In my opinion,
this
idea would be true mainly because of having easy access to modern
books
. It is my view that accessibility to electronic
books
is extremely straightforward.
Although
searching at bookshops in order to find a particular physical book needs to spend more energy and time, detecting electronic
books
just should assist a search engine. These machines can find electronic
books
at the least time.
As a result
, finding
books
will be more time-saving.
In addition
, carrying electronic
books
is easy. These
books
are just files on several devices
such
as mobiles, laptops and tablets. These files do not need extra energy and a specific room to transfer.
Then
,
people
will find it comfortable to carry them to each place every moment.
In contrast
, some
people
claim that it can be detrimental to eye health. Each device for reading
books
needs a screen. If an electrical screen is being watched for a long time,
this
activity would be harmful and pose a dangerous threat to the eyes.
However
, I think it is not a valid idea because
as a result
of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
advancement in technology, many screens would be produced to protect
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
reducing adverse effects.
Further
, another reason is Copyright. Changing physical
books
to a folder as an electronic book is more likely to increase the chance make some copies numerous times and
publish
Wrong verb form
publishing
show examples
them everywhere. It will lead to overlooking publishers’ rights and authors’ ideas. But in my idea, it is not valid because the government would pass some laws to restrict
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the illegal spread of electronic
books
.
For example
, imposing hefty fines for
people
who will commit
this
crime. In conclusion, I completely agree that replacing electronic
books
with paper
books
will come up because of suitable accessibility and carrying them a step ahead.
Submitted by kargar.mh1992 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear position throughout the response, which is excellent. You've also made a strong effort to cover all parts of the task. However, try to ensure your position is consistently clear across all paragraphs to strengthen your argument further.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done well to organize your essay logically, with adequate paragraphing. To enhance coherence, consider linking ideas more explicitly within and between paragraphs. Transition phrases can help to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you've provided relevant examples to support your ideas, ensuring variety in your sentence structures can add to the clarity and engagement of your argument. Additionally, try to blend detailed examples seamlessly within your own points for a more cohesive argument.
Task Achievement
Clear position and comprehensive coverage of the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Logical structure and adequate use of paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples support the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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