IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impacts on environment and on people who lost their job because of it.

#impacts #environment #people #job
These days, people have been using online platforms to shop and purchase things
instead
 of going to physical
shops
. The impacts of online shopping on both the environment and individuals will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, the uprising trend of online shopping can have some effects on the environment.
Firstly
, a vast amount of resources are being used in order to respond to the order of buying online
such
 as wood furniture, crafting ornaments, etc. It will lead to cutting more surrounding trees in our societies to build those things.
Secondly
, During the manufacturing process, plenty of chemical substances are used by producers,
for instance
, in the dying process for colouring clothes. These producers sometimes dump those substances into the rivers or fields around their factory which in turn affect communities around that area.
Additionally
, a lot of workers are being laid off because of the use of online shopping. At
first,
many physical
shops
 do not need
staff
 in their
shops
 anymore to explain the details of their products to customers.
For example
, IKEA puts their product details under or beside the pictures of their products
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to the customers just
read
Wrong verb form
reading
show examples
 it on the website and not needing to come to their physical
shops
.
Furthermore
, to maintain the online platform, owners only need some
staff
 to maintain their websites. To illustrate, they hire only IT
staff
 in order to look after their pages and several
staff
 to collect purchasing data.
Overall
, the rise of online shopping these modern days can have effects on both the environment and individuals
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint or what the essay will discuss. A more direct statement of your main points in the introduction could enhance clarity.
Conclusion
Include a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your viewpoint in a conclusive manner. This helps reinforce your arguments and provides a clear closure.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
For a higher task achievement score, expand on your ideas with more specific examples and detailed explanations to fully address all parts of the prompt.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Revisit your essay to correct any grammatical errors and ensure variety in your sentence structures for a more engaging read.
Structure
You provided a logical structure that organized the essay into clear paragraphs, each discussing a different aspect of the topic.
Use of Examples
The examples you used, such as IKEA's product presentation and the environmental impact of manufacturing, helped illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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