Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

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In the contemporary era, household members are becoming away from each other, as numerous
parents
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and children are choosing to be separated.
This
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essay will suggest that having full freedom and being responsible are the foremost benefits and demonstrate that losing contact and parental upbringing is the primary disadvantage. On the one hand,
this
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topic has two main pros which are enjoying freedom and being responsible.
To begin
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with, families who are deciding not to be close anymore, both children and couples will have the opportunity to enjoy freedom and do whatever they desire without any boundaries that may stop them from doing it.
In addition
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,
this
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trend will let breeds be more responsible and will assist them to improve their skills. To illustrate, youths will be able to work in several fields,
thus
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, that will enhance their qualifications and abilities.
On the other hand
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, we cannot neglect cons which are related to losing touch with
parents
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. Being away from your family can lead to negative consequences.
Hence
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, the total of dysfunctional families will increase dramatically and offspring may lose touch and tend to leave their
parents
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for good.
Thus
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,
this
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will affect family cohesion negatively.
Moreover
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,
this
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can lead to the appearance of poor nurturing and
this
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will affect communities manners and behaviours. In conclusion,
This
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trend has many merits which are related to being independent and free. It
also
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has shortcomings
involve
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that involve
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destroying
families
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family
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bonds.
Therefore
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, we should achieve balance and work hard to strengthen bonds with siblings and
parents
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.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the main points of the essay. However, making the thesis statement more explicit could improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure is logical, but some ideas could be better connected to enhance the flow. Consider using transition phrases to improve coherence.
task achievement
More specific examples would strengthen your arguments and help illustrate your points. Try to include real-life situations or statistics to support your claims.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies both advantages and disadvantages of the trend, showing a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The points made about freedom and responsibility are relevant and contribute to the overall discussion of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Social media
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Geographical mobility
  • Generational differences
  • Individual independence
  • Personal growth
  • Mental health
  • Well-being
  • Family bonds
  • Cultural traditions
  • Familial support systems
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