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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
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In the contemporary era, there is an ongoing debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 students should enhance their co-operativeness by participating in any
competition
Use synonyms
 or win-at-all-cost.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both statements with reasons and examples.
To begin
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 with, taking part in any challenges regularly would be a chance to understand their drawbacks and things to learn in the future.
Furthermore
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, "Hard work always pays off, whatever you do" said Dustin Lynch
also
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 should be mentioned because as I said above, children will
be succeeded
Wrong verb form
succeed
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 in any factors by challenging themselves in competitions and seeing what they are good and bad at.
For instance
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, my best friend has improved her intelligence in physics after taking part in a physics
competition
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, a majority of people believe that a group of individuals with
good
Correct article usage
a good
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senses
Fix the agreement mistake
sense
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 of
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
 always become the best ones in the workplaces or universities because they know how to compete, debate , and even the methods to lead others in a team so that they can work properly with professors and people around them.
For instance
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, my brother, who has never attended any
competition
Use synonyms
, is really good at making new friends with a diversity of interests.
On the other hand
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,
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, I always take part in every
competition
Use synonyms
 and have become more introverted than my brother because I have been focusing on fewer things.
To sum up
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, even though co-operation is always more powerful than
Use synonyms
competition
Add an article
the competition
show examples
,
competition
Use synonyms
also
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 has a specific stance as co-operation in
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of people.
Submitted by nazim200709 on

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your own opinion in the conclusion to fulfill the task requirement fully.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and use a range of linking words to enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Adding a more detailed conclusion that summarizes both views and clearly states your own opinion would strengthen your argument.
task response
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views nicely.
coherence and cohesion
Effective use of examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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