IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what eztent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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 consider that it is necessary for colleges to provide the same number of offers for men and women, no matter what subjects they apply. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with that view. In the first place, it is not equal for recruiting
students
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also
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 consider their
gender
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.
This
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 is because some
people
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 may be more talented than others, but they fail to have the opportunity to get into the campus
due to
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 their
gender
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.
As a result
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, if there are more
people
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 applying for universities of the same
gender
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, they are facing a more competitive situation.
Secondly
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, it is not reliable, because some majors tend to be more accommodated by
one
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gender
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.
For example
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, firefighters need individuals who have strong physics characteristics, which makes men more likely to meet the demands. Meanwhile, some kindergarten schools prefer to hire milder
people
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, and women handle it better than men.
By contrast
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, if the
school
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 accepts the same number of males and females in those majors,
students
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 are likely unable to continue their learning in
school
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due to
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 that they are mismatched.
Additionally
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,
this
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 action will increase the discrimination between the two genders. The main reason for
that is
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people
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 are always inclined to have a baby whose
gender
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 has less population.
This
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 means that adults may discard babies with the unexpected sex, which deepens the preference for
one
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gender
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.
Moreover
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, schools may have fewer achievements in study research by conducting that regulation. Some
people
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 who are full of talents and interests are not recruited to college, resulting in those part of
students
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 who are highly likely to have academic awards losing the chance to
further
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 dive into research.
Consequently
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, the
school
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 will obtain fewer achievements and gain a reputation loss. In conclusion, using
gender
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 as
one
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 consideration for whether
students
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 have the ability to get guaranteed
one
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 major is unequal, unreliable, increases prejudices and is harmful to the
school
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 itself.

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coherence cohesion
Try to provide more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to precisely express your arguments and opinions.
task achievement
Ensure your essay addresses all parts of the task more evenly, balancing your arguments and examples throughout.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly outlines your position.
task achievement
Your main points are supported by relevant examples, effectively strengthening your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • innovative
  • comprehensive
  • bridge the gap
  • prevailent
  • STEM
  • meritocracy
  • undermine
  • qualification
  • inadvertently
  • reinforce
  • stereotypes
  • artificial
  • equality
  • access
  • opportunities
  • resources
  • quotas
  • root causes
  • societal norms
  • role models
  • disparities
  • inclusive
  • curriculum
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