In many countries an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television in computer and video games. Ton what extent do yo agree or disagree with this view?
It is hard to deny that there are some violent
images
on television in
Change preposition
on
computer
and Fix the agreement mistake
computers
video
games, and Change preposition
in video
such
a fact leads impressionable people to generate the opinion that the increase in crime
is due to
those images
. However
, such
a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies, and it should be examined meticulously.
As far as education
and regulation, I strongly hold that there is no direct relation between these images
and the rise in crime
.
First and foremost, education
is the foundation to prevent people from committing crimes. To be specific, the family environment has a primary influence on the development of minors
' personalities
, including a good influence on the formation of sound personalities
, bad personalities
and even criminal personalities
. Family education
is the basis for the growth of minors
, and poor family education
is one of the reasons for teenagers to commit crimes. School
education
is also
an important place to prevent juvenile delinquency. Factors such
as unreasonable education
structure, deviation from quality education
in education
practice, low quality of teachers, defects in school
management and disconnection of education
inside and outside school
often lead to students' absenteeism, truancy and weariness, which increase the risk of juvenile crime
. According to
the survey, 74.2 per cent of juvenile offenders have dropped out of school
before committing a crime
.
Furthermore
, Lack of legal knowledge
is a potential factor in crime
. Take the case of studies from a top-notch university. Studies have pointed out that quite a few college students, especially those who study illegally, lack basic legal knowledge
. In addition
to learning basic legal knowledge
in class, they rarely have access to other legal knowledge
, which leads them to be unable to accurately judge whether their behaviour constitutes a crime
when facing legal problems. In addition
, if minors
lack legal awareness, they may embark on the road of breaking the law because of ignorance of the law. For example
, some minors
may go astray and participate in illegal activities because of their ignorance of the law.
In conclusion, violent images
are not associated with crime
. We need to get to the bottom of what's causing the crime
.Submitted by 2631272260 on
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task response
Ensure your introduction precisely articulates your stance on the topic. Your current introduction is clear but can be more direct about your agreement or disagreement with the view.
task response
Include more concrete examples or statistics to further strengthen your argument. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear transition between paragraphs, connecting ideas in a seamless manner to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Be precise with terminology to avoid any confusion. For instance, 'students who study illegally' could be elaborated or clarified.
task response
The essay effectively addresses the relationship between violent images and crime, providing a sound argument against the notion.
coherence cohesion
Good structural organization is evident, with defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The essay covers a substantial breadth of ideas related to education and legal knowledge influencing crime rates.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example