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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people around the world spend the majority of their free time at home watching TV shows. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

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All over the world, many individuals
use
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 most of their spare
time
 at home watching
television
 programmes. The advantages of
this
 situation are that they save money and don’t need to make plans,
whereas
 the disadvantages are that they aren’t healthy and don’t feel a
sense
 of accomplishment. The first benefit is that these
people
 save more money than those who have other hobbies. Most hobbies involve membership or entrance fees that must be paid regularly,
whereas
 watching
television
 is comparatively cheaper and rarely requires any additional payments after the initial purchase of the
TV
 set. Another key advantage is that those who primarily watch
TV
 to pass the
time
 don’t need to make plans. Many free
time
 activities are done with other
people
, and it can often be difficult and tiresome to coordinate with others.
On the other hand
, poor health is a disadvantage for those who spend most of their leisure
time
 at home watching
television
. Compared to
people
 who have active hobbies, those who watch
TV
 get little exercise and when
this
 continues over a long period, their health deteriorates.
Furthermore
, there is the additional drawback of gaining no
sense
 of accomplishment from watching
TV
. In comparison to the individuals who enjoy the experience of completing a craft project or spending
time
 at the gym, the
people
 at home watching
television
 have little or no
sense
 of achievement. In conclusion, anyone who watches
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
 as their primary means of passing the
time
 has the advantage of saving money and not being required to make plans in advance of their free
time
.
However
, they do have the disadvantages of not being healthy, and they tend not to have any
sense
 of accomplishment from their hobby.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

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detailing
Try to expand your examples by showing specific scenarios or statistics to make your arguments more convincing.
syntax
Consider introducing a wider variety of complex sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
analysis
While your essay effectively covers the advantages and disadvantages, incorporating a more explicit analysis or personal commentary could further enrich your task response.
structure
Your essay lays out arguments in a clear, logical structure that makes your points easy to follow.
introduction & conclusion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the topic and summarize the main points, which helps in enhancing coherence.
examples
Using everyday life examples for supporting your main points was a good approach to make your essay relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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