There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
In
this
era of fierce competition, many youngsters strive to achieve good results in their institutes. A school of thought believes, that to assist them unimportant Linking Words
subjects
like home sciences and physical Use synonyms
education
must be excluded from their curriculum. Use synonyms
However
, a large group of people and I strongly suggest that Linking Words
this
will have harmful implications on the physical and mental well-being of the child, and will not contribute towards their holistic growth.
Linking Words
To begin
, a strong argument could be made that academic success brings a sense of financial safety and social pride. Linking Words
This
can be attributed to the demeaning behaviour we present towards those who achieve low scores and the way we look up to the ones scoring high marks. Linking Words
Furthermore
, it is widely accepted that pupils who are academically sound get better job opportunities and lead a financially stable life in comparison to their contraries. Linking Words
For instance
, a student who is a high achiever is praised throughout his high school for his intelligence and lands a high-paying job at a multi-national company, which provides him with all the possible luxuries, Linking Words
whereas
another pursuing their passion of being a chef might face many challenges in earning similar sums. Linking Words
As a result
, Linking Words
education
in certain Use synonyms
subjects
leading to better lives, is respected and regarded more than others including sports and cooking.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, If Linking Words
this
were to happen it would result in a devastating impact on the Linking Words
overall
health and development of the young population, Linking Words
additionally
resulting in the failure of the Linking Words
education
system to prepare them for the future.
Use synonyms
This
is because, these days most children spend most of their time at home, barely participating in any physical activity, Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
this
most of their social engagement and skill development happens at school. Linking Words
furthermore
, they only help out with house chores on rare occasions. Linking Words
For example
, numerous studies have concluded that outdoor activity amongst Indian children has dropped by 65% in the past few decades resulting in higher rates of obesity and anxiety disorders. Linking Words
As a result
, it is important to highlight the importance of teaching non-academic Linking Words
subjects
at schools.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, I strongly disagree with the opinion of eradicating important courses like physical Linking Words
education
and meal preparation classes. The facts suggest that they are extremely crucial for the cumulative growth of humans, even though I certainly understand that academic Use synonyms
subjects
ensure financial and personal stability.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Expand on the point about the holistic development of children. While it is well-stated, providing more specific examples or evidence would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure parallel structure in sentences. For instance, 'resulting in physical and mental well-being of the child' can be improved for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and focus on sentence variety to enhance readability. For instance, 'Home sciences and physical education must be excluded' can be revised for better clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
supported main points
Main points are supported well with relevant examples, making the argument convincing.
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt comprehensively, covering multiple facets of the argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example