Some people think that watching sports in one's free time is just waste of time. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many
people
believe that spending time watching sports
in their spare time is not a beneficial thing, it is like wasting time. However
, I opposite to this
statement for several reasons.
To begin
with, I believe that people
need to alleviate their stress by doing something they love. For example
, one of the activities that one can do is watching sports
, like football or basketball matches. To illustrate, if we watch a football match in a big stadium, we not only enjoy the match but also
can express our feelings. In there, we also
can shout loudly during the match, especially when our favourite team can score a goal or even win the match. Because of that activity, I believe that it can help us release our emotions or bad feelings by shouting.
On the other hand
, watching sports
in public areas enables people
to have the opportunity to meet with new people
or communities. Thus
, it means that we not only add the number of our friends but also
expand our networking in order to get some benefits to our career or even business life. For instance
, sometimes, when we socialize with new friends who have the same hobby, it will be easier for us to discuss something focusly
and widely. Correct your spelling
focused
focus
Consequently
, we can talk deeper
about a specific topic related to our Replace the word
deeply
worklife
.
Correct your spelling
work
To sum up
, watching sports
can give benefits not only for releasing our stress but also
for expanding our networking. Because of them, therefore
, I remain firmly convinced that doing that activity can be an essential activity in our lives.Submitted by dika2024 on
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Introduction Clarity
Try to provide a more distinct introduction by clearly stating your opinion from the onset, which can engage the reader more directly.
Conclusion Strength
In your conclusion, strive to concisely summarize your main points, reinforcing the thesis without introducing new information.
Linking Usage and Variety
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly and enhance the overall flow of your essay. This could include synonym usage and more complex linking phrases.
Supportive Examples
Effective use of examples to support your viewpoints, making your arguments more compelling.
Logical Structure and Flow
You've done a great job creating a logical and well-structured argument that guides the reader through your points seamlessly.
Coherent Conclusion
Your conclusion ties back to the introduction, effectively wrapping up the essay, which shows good organizational skills.
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