Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Having quit or dropped out of school and college, many successful individuals like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates unintentionally promoted the idea, that education is not of great value in the contemporary world and it is preferable for scholars to develop different sets of qualities in life, like programming and IT skills or business acumen. It has later transformed into a hypothesis, that it is much more beneficial to spend financial resources on various after-school programs and spare time activities.
From one point of view, it is extremely important to allocate enough resources to after-school activities, for it is as crucial for many scholars to develop,
for example
, physical health, as it is to have a basic degree and knowledge. Moreover
, education takes a lot of money and effort from the authorities' point of view, and the advocates of this
idea indicate, that by cutting the government's expenses on this
sphere, taxpayers' money could be allocated to other needs, like health care, social services, and even the military.
However
, it is undeniable that studying must be a number one priority for teenagers and young adults, as it affects other areas as well, but in the long run. For example
, better students turn into better specialists, and better specialists have a bigger impact on other spheres of our lives. Furthermore
, one should not use the examples of famous people as their own, as they are undoubtedly an exception, rather than the rule. Statistically, if adolescents drop out of schools, colleges or universities, the probability of having a successful career diminishes significantly.
In conclusion, I completely disagree with the statement, that more government money should be spent on spare time activities. I firmly believe, that while
it is important to allocate enough resources to various spheres of life, education must be a number 1 priority for scholars.Submitted by smackerprince on
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments, such as studies or statistics backing up claims about education's long-term impact.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are thoroughly developed with sufficient examples and explanations for complete clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to clarify the transitions between some paragraphs to enhance the logical progression of your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout and directly responds to the task statement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively establish and summarize your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, presenting arguments in a way that's easy to follow.
Your opinion
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