some children spend hours every day on their smartohones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In contemporary societies, offspring are more appealing to electronic gadgets. There are several main reasons for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

phenomenon and from my point of view, it will bring about so many downsides. There are central reasons why children squander
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

on smartphones on a daily basis. To start with, nowadays, parents have to work
due to
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

economic issues,
hence
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they are not able to allocate sufficient
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to their offspring. To clarify, children tend to stay at home and get amused by electronic stuff rather than go out and play in nature with their parents.
In addition
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, after the covid, almost all the classes around the world have been held online.
That is
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to say, all the students had to have a
Pc
Correct your spelling
PC

The word Pc doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, tablet, or smartphone in order to be involved in the classes.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

made offspring more interested in learning cutting-edge technology compared to studying their school lessons. By way of example, if a student had had his own electronic equipment, he would have installed so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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social media on that, which leads to a lack of concentration on lessons. younsters will confront so many disadvantages by wasting hours on electronic gadgets. First and foremost, a sedentary lifestyle results in not only physical illness
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

mental damage. An increase in screen
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of doing physical activities, may develop diseases
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as obesity or eye weakness,
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

mental problems. Take virtual reality (VR) as an example. a child who dedicates most of his minutes
playing
Change preposition
to playing

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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VR may soon develop mental issues.
Secondly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

electronic apparatuses make youngsters familiar with state-of-the-art technology, they can draw their attention away from school assignments.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

will lead to educational failure. In a nutshell,
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the aforementioned,
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is not allocated to offspring for physical activities and the schooling system has been altered to online teaching.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, these are the integral causes of appealing electronic amenities.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, owing to negative effects
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as obesity, mental problems, and educational regress, I am totally convinced that the cons clearly outweigh the pros.

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repeating words or phrases. Consider using synonyms or restructuring sentences for variety.
task achievement
Elaborate more on examples to deeply illustrate your arguments. Providing specific, detailed examples strengthens your essay's persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with spelling and grammar to maintain clarity throughout your essay. Minor errors can occasionally distract from your overall message.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that succinctly wraps up your argument.
coherence cohesion
You effectively use transition phrases to guide the reader through your points, maintaining a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task directly, presenting clear opinions and reasoning behind your viewpoints.
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