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Writing Samples
Band 5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of Income. Unfortunately, tourism can be cause of lot of problem if its not well managed . What are the advantage and dis advantage in the modern world? Do you think advantage overweight the disadvantage .

#places #world #tourism #source #income #advantage #dis
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The issue of tourism has been a disputatious and contentious matter recently. It has been argued that travelling has a major impact on both countries and people.
Therefore
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, I tend to believe that both the benefits and drawbacks need to be examined in depth. On the one hand, there are some main advantages
for
Change preposition
to
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 tourism.
Firstly
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, boosting and contributing millions of pounds to
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 income.
In other words
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, tourists spend money on a wide range of services including hotels, food,
transportations
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transportation
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as well as
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 medical services leading to an increase in production capacity and
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 outcome.
Secondy
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Secondly
, some individuals travel for their entertainment
such
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 as
discovering
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to discover
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 cultures and
learning
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learn
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 new languages. Not only that but
also
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,
some
Correct word choice
but some
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 teenagers are interested in visiting museums, architectural feats and shopping.
On the other hand
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, as the garden has weeds, certain disadvantages should be taken into
considerations
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consideration
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. the most
evidant
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evident
 one is crimes. To illustrate, the presence of a large number of people with a lot of money to spend and
carring
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carrying
caring
 valuables
such
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 as expensive watches and
jewelries
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jewelry
pieces of jewelry
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,
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apply
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 increases the attraction of criminals.
Furthermore
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, the
country
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 will be insecure for tourists. Another
widely
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wide
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 drawback is traffic
due to
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 visiting a huge number of people leading to
an
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apply
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environmental
damge
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damage
 by using various types of
transportations
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transportation
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such
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 as cars, trains or buses. In conclusion, I point out saying that international travel
palys
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plays
 an integral role in enhancing the
country
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's outcome and there are
a
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apply
show examples
numerous benefits and drawbacks of it . In my opinion, I think that the merits outweigh the established demerits. I hope the government can
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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awareness towards the hazards of tourism.
Submitted by saroooniiq8 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point to strengthen the argument and provide a well-rounded discussion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, especially in the advantages section.
task achievement
Ensure that you address each point with enough depth and detail to make your arguments convincing.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to some grammatical errors and ensure the use of proper noun capitalization.
coherence cohesion
Continue to connect ideas clearly to maintain a good logical flow throughout your essay.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets up the discussion by stating that both advantages and disadvantages will be examined.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents both sides of the argument thoughtfully, and acknowledges the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and includes a personal opinion that adds weight to the argument.
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