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Band 6.5

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, crime, detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#computers #businesses #crime #detection #planes #future #dependence #answers
In the era of globalization, the dependency on the technology surpassed. The computing
system
 has been involved in many sectors,
such
 as transportation, security and finance. In
this
 essay, I will illustrate other methods that will be involved, Is relying on computers inferior or superior and should we be more cautious
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
To begin
 with, the
computer
 has a significant impact on our life. It assisted us in making our lives more straightforward.
In addition
, AI technology is a new sparked trend. Nowadays, it is added in many industries
likewise
 the engineering, medicine and coding. We can submit a design in the AI, and it will reshape it to be better and to suit the place. It
also
 can make an interior design for any era precisely.
Moreover
, It can make sensitive surgeries which need a stable hand skill.
As well as
 the pharmacy field , It can help to do new medicines and diminish any side effects. Ultimately, programming systems will see a huge transformation in the future as a result of AI.
Furthermore
, there is a debate about relying on the
computer
. We can see most individuals are relying on
this
 technology.
Therefore
, they become sluggish and inactive. Probing
further
, the
computer
 can be hacked or glitched on the
system
,
thus
 the whole
system
 can be demolished and
this
 affects the country and the economy. Moving
further
, some systems have permissions to the weapon
system
. It can start a world war if
this
 is hacked by enemies. In conclusion, we should alleviate using the
computer
. we should use it only in essential methods not with vital ones.
This
 can help people to be more attractive.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on using a variety of cohesive devices. This will help your essay flow more smoothly from one point to the next.
task response
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to enhance the clarity of your ideas. This includes proper use of punctuation and avoiding run-on sentences.
task response
Increase the depth of your examples and explanations. Providing more specific and detailed examples will help support your arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your essay well.
task response
You addressed multiple aspects of the prompt, discussing both the future uses of computers and the implications of dependence on them.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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