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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think it is better for children to being to learn a foreign language at primary school than at secondary school. What’s your opinion? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #children #language #school #what’s
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It is thought by some people that
children
Use synonyms
 should learn about other foreign landuage when they are in primary schools
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it is better to wait until they go to secondary school. In
this
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 essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my opinion. On the one hand, learning a foreign language late
also
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 gives some benefits to learners.
Firstly
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, it is undeniable that adolescents have their goals already.
For example
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, many secondary students decide to apply to a university that needs language proficiency.
Therefore
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, they
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
show examples
 to learn and study foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 more than the younger ones.
Secondly
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, students in secondary school have fewer
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 and have more freedom than
children
Use synonyms
such
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 as computer playtime to search for information.
Thus
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, adolescents can be able to study and learn all day without restrictions.
On the other hand
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, it is true that
children
Use synonyms
 need to learn other
languages
Use synonyms
 when they are in primary school. At
first,
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they are fast learners and have
Correct article usage
an open-mind
show examples
open-mind
Correct your spelling
open mind
show examples
 to absorb new things more than the youngsters. Teachers can use some attractive resources,
for example
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, English animations or cartoons to teach them
instead
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 of teaching them by books.
In addition
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, kids around these ages do not mock each other when they use words or sentences wrong
as well as
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 they are not afraid of making mistakes. They always sincerely correct their friends and encourage them to speak again. All in all,
although
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 several people believe that other
languages
Use synonyms
 should be taught in secondary schools. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with
this
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 idea
as a result
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 it is better to let the new generations get familiar with foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 when they are still young.
Otherwise
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,
children
Use synonyms
 need to struggle to learn them later and need to put a lot more effort
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 it.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Task Achievement
Remember to provide concrete examples to support your viewpoints more strongly. This helps in making your arguments more persuasive and grounded.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, support it with examples or explanations to maintain coherence.
General Advice
Double-check your essay for minor grammatical and spelling errors to enhance clarity.
Introduction/Conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively outlines your viewpoint and summarizes the key points.
Linking Words
Good use of linking words to connect ideas smoothly, which aids reader comprehension.
Balanced Argument
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Pronunciation
  • Inhibitions
  • Cultural awareness
  • Plasticity
  • Curriculum flexibility
  • Native language
  • Mastery
  • Qualified teachers
  • Structured learning
  • Grammar constructs
  • Practical benefits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: