IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THE INTERNET IS RESPONSIBLE FOR DESTROYING SOCIAL SKILLS OF TEENAGERS AND YOUNG ADULTS. WHY DO YOU THINK THE INTERNET IS SEEN AS DANGEROUS IN THIS WAY AND WHAT CAN WE DO TO ENSURE THAT IT DOES NOT HARM THE SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT OF TEENAGERS AND YOUNG ADULTS.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In contemporary society, the availability of
internet
Use synonyms
 access has made it popular for teenagers and young adults.
Consequently
Linking Words
, their level of productivity has
also
Linking Words
 diminished. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the effects of
this
Linking Words
 problem and how the government can possibly manage it.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, increasing exposure to the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has an effect on the skills of our growing population. Browsing the web contains more interesting content,
thus
Linking Words
 teenagers spend most of their time indoors rather than performing what they used to.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey revealed
90
Correct word choice
that 90
show examples
% of children do not know how to chop wood,
additionally
Linking Words
, they spend 80% of their time playing online.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, online resources provide easier ways of doing things, where our traditional methods slowly wear away.
For instance
Linking Words
, our usual way of cooking food has been replaced by shortcut methods which our young people adopt from websites.
However
Linking Words
, practical solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem can be found. Limiting access to the
Internet
Use synonyms
 via public policy ensures that our younger population will have time to perform their traditional duties.
For instance
Linking Words
, helping out in the bush and with domestic duties.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, placing parental control allows excess only to the necessary contents which will be useful for our youth development. Take
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, allowing cultural channels
while
Linking Words
 blocking gaming sites. In conclusion,
internet
Use synonyms
 usage demolishes the social skills of the younger generation. Developing policies to limit its utilization and placement of parental control can solve their problems.
This
Linking Words
 will ensure that our children will retain our social skills.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support for Main Points
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. While the percentages and scenarios mentioned provide some backing, drawing on real-life cases or studies could strengthen your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider diversifying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Using a variety of complex sentences, questions, or even rhetorical questions might make your essay more compelling.
Task Achievement
Revisit the essay prompt regularly to ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed. While your essay tackles the described issues, elaborating on the solutions and their potential outcomes could provide a more rounded response.
Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct, establishing your thesis and summarizing your main points effectively. This adds to the reader's understanding and retains their interest throughout.
Introduction & Conclusion
Clear and focused introduction and conclusion, providing a good framing for your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effective use of coherence and cohesion through logical progression of ideas from paragraph to paragraph.
Task Achievement
Good effort in addressing the task, with clear exposition on the internet's impact and potential interventions.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Isolation
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Cyberbullying
  • Anonymity
  • Harassment
  • Social media
  • Superficial relationships
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Communication skills
  • Virtual validation
  • Self-esteem
  • Online communities
  • Parental guidance
  • Digital literacy
  • Awareness programs
  • Constructive use
  • Setting boundaries
  • Social development
  • Meaningful connections
What to do next:
Look at other essays: