IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that team sports prepare children for their future careers while others do not agree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals think that
sports
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 clubs provide opportunities for careers to
kids
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 but other
people
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 do not agree with
this
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 idea. I am personally okay with
this
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.Because
children
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 get lots of experiences from their childhood and they have more options to make decisions for their future life.
To begin
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 with
people
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’s positive points of view, these places can help
children
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 to find their favourites and get new experiences. If team
sports
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 become reliable, parents can encourage their
kids
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 to set a clear goal and make an effort to improve in their favourite field.
For example
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, an original football club can guide
children
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 to try the different atmospheres of competition and be prepared for important matches. These elements can help
children
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 to see their fortune with full of hope. In my opinion, I support
this
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 idea because not only
children
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 can learn how to explore and find their passion but
also
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 they can expand their connections much better than before.
Nevertheless
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, other groups of
people
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 believe that the existence of
sports
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 clubs causes
children
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 not to study their lessons and get low scores in school because
kids
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 spend most of their time training and playing with their peers and they do not have enough time to do their homework.So, it may interfere with their lesson. In conclusion, there is an argument between two different groups of
people
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 who agree and disagree with the existence of team
sports
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 that can affect
children
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’s future careers.Some
people
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 think
kids
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 can find their career path but other groups disagree with
this
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 idea.

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Specific Examples
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments in each paragraph. While you've discussed the potential benefits of team sports on children's future careers, including real-life examples or statistics would make your argument more convincing.
Balance of Argument
Ensure to address both sides of the argument evenly. You've presented both views, but expanding on why some believe team sports might negatively impact academic performance with further detail could enhance balance.
Clear Thesis
Consider refining your introduction and conclusion by clearly stating your thesis and summarizing the main points more explicitly. This will make your standpoint and the essay structure more coherent to the reader.
Grammar & Sentence Structure
Check for grammatical inconsistencies and aim for more varied sentence structures to improve the sophistication of your writing. This will also help in making your essay more engaging and fluid.
Understanding of Topic
You've effectively recognized and discussed both perspectives on the influence of team sports on children's future careers, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay topic.
Logical Flow
You managed to maintain a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay, which helps in keeping the reader engaged and following your arguments easily.
Personal Insight
Your personal stance is clear and provides a thoughtful insight, adding depth to your discussion on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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