In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society

It is undeniable that many countries are facing an ageing society caused by the increase in the number of elderly

people

This

is a result of the medical industry's improvement and advanced technology development. Some

people

consider the ageing population as a problem for the governments.

However

, there is an argument which thinks about benefits for the country if the number of elderly

people

increases.

This

essay will elaborate on situations in which the pros of having an ageing society are more important than the cons.

First,

it would be an opportunity for

health

and wellness businesses. The elderly

people

are their main targeted customers because these

people

always pay attention to their

health

In addition

, they have sufficient money to spend on those services as well.

For example

, there are a lot of massage shops which mainly provide services for senior citizens. If they want to expand their businesses, these customers should be prioritised as the top targeted clients.

Second,

some of the elderly

people

still have good

health

and can work.

Furthermore

, these

people

have a lot of experience and are ready to work. It would be better to hire them

instead

of some first jobbers who need the training.

Moreover

, the turnover rates of these employees are lower than the young staff.

This

is a good chance for the company to save on training and recruitment costs.

To sum up

, having an ageing society doesn’t cause only negative impacts. There are benefits

such

as the opportunities for

health

and wellness businesses and the cost savings from hiring elderly

people

. Those advantages should not be taken for granted.

Submitted by Punpun on Mon May 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

To further enhance your essay, consider adding more varied sentence structures to exhibit greater complexity in your writing. This could involve integrating a wider range of conjunctions and transitional phrases to link ideas more fluidly between paragraphs and sentences.

task achievement

When presenting examples and arguments, aiming for a deeper analysis or exploring counterarguments could introduce a more nuanced understanding of the topic, further elevating your essay's depth.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides clear and concise points that directly relate to the advantages of an ageing population, offering a focused discussion on the topic.

coherence cohesion

You've done well in creating a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making your essay easy to follow for the reader.

task achievement

Your essay successfully addresses the given task, presenting a balanced view before concluding which aspects are considered more significant. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding and thorough response to the task requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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