Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction

Currently, technological devices have become widely popular in societies, especially among youngsters. Many people believe that there are many benefits because of their functions and utilities,

however

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, reliance on technology is a threat to our growth as human beings.

For

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this

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reason, I staunchly believe that cutting-edge technologies should be carefully used, and their widespread implementation has many drawbacks. In

this

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essay, I will explain my reasons in detail.

Body paragraph 1

To start with,

it is clear that

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since computers and other types of gadgets have been created, people spend most of their time on social media.

Then

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, not only social skills but

also

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interpersonal communication has decreased dramatically.

This

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means that humankind has replaced their traditional activities,

such

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as sharing high-quality time with their families, reading, etc.

Therefore

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, people tend to be more isolated leading to more prevalence of mental diseases, exemplified by depression, anxiety, bipolarity, etc.

Body paragraph 2

Additionally

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, the addiction rate to smartphones has exponentially increased, and the population uses those devices during the whole day.

As a consequence

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this

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, sedentarism is becoming more frequent

as well as

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the prevalence of chronic diseases with higher cardiovascular risk.

For example

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, The American Heart Association recently published that the obesity proportion has climbed by 30%

due to

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a lack of physical activity.

Besides

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, sleep hygiene is not employed because phones are used almost overnight.

Conclusion

To sum up

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, technology should be restricted in communities, mainly in children and adolescents owing to their addiction risk.

Besides

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, ancient costumes and social behaviours should not be replaced by the usage of innovative technologies.

Serhii Baraniuk

May 13, 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, your conclusion could be stronger by summarizing the main points more effectively instead of just restating the last point made.

logical structure

Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea. While your points are relevant, they would benefit from further elaboration and clearer transitions between ideas to improve the overall coherence.

supported main points

You have adequately supported your points with relevant examples, but adding more varied examples and expanding on them could strengthen your argument.

clear comprehensive ideas

Pay attention to minor grammatical inaccuracies and word choice. For example, 'owes to their addiction risk' should be 'owing to their addiction risk,' and 'sedentarism' is more commonly referred to as 'sedentary lifestyle.'

introduction conclusion present

You effectively introduced the topic and presented a clear stance.

relevant specific examples

You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the American Heart Association statistics on obesity.

logical structure

Your essay is logically organized, with well-structured paragraphs that follow a coherent line of reasoning.

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

257 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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