Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?
Currently, technological devices have become widely popular in societies, especially among youngsters. Many people believe that there are many benefits because of their functions and utilities,
however
, reliance on technology is a threat to our growth as human beings. Linking Words
For
Linking Words
this
reason, I staunchly believe that cutting-edge technologies should be carefully used, and their widespread implementation has many drawbacks. In Linking Words
this
essay, I will explain my reasons in detail.
To start with, Linking Words
it is clear that
since computers and other types of gadgets have been created, people spend most of their time on social media. Linking Words
Then
, not only social skills but Linking Words
also
interpersonal communication has decreased dramatically. Linking Words
This
means that humankind has replaced their traditional activities, Linking Words
such
as sharing high-quality time with their families, reading, etc. Linking Words
Therefore
, people tend to be more isolated leading to more prevalence of mental diseases, exemplified by depression, anxiety, bipolarity, etc.
Linking Words
Additionally
, the addiction rate to smartphones has exponentially increased, and the population uses those devices during the whole day. Linking Words
As a consequence
of Linking Words
this
, sedentarism is becoming more frequent Linking Words
as well as
the prevalence of chronic diseases with higher cardiovascular risk. Linking Words
For example
, The American Heart Association recently published that the obesity proportion has climbed by 30% Linking Words
due to
a lack of physical activity. Linking Words
Besides
, sleep hygiene is not employed because phones are used almost overnight.
Linking Words
To sum up
, technology should be restricted in communities, mainly in children and adolescents owing to their addiction risk. Linking Words
Besides
, ancient costumes and social behaviours should not be replaced by the usage of innovative technologies.Linking Words
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, your conclusion could be stronger by summarizing the main points more effectively instead of just restating the last point made.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea. While your points are relevant, they would benefit from further elaboration and clearer transitions between ideas to improve the overall coherence.
supported main points
You have adequately supported your points with relevant examples, but adding more varied examples and expanding on them could strengthen your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Pay attention to minor grammatical inaccuracies and word choice. For example, 'owes to their addiction risk' should be 'owing to their addiction risk,' and 'sedentarism' is more commonly referred to as 'sedentary lifestyle.'
introduction conclusion present
You effectively introduced the topic and presented a clear stance.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the American Heart Association statistics on obesity.
logical structure
Your essay is logically organized, with well-structured paragraphs that follow a coherent line of reasoning.