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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people are leaving the countryside and moving to cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #countryside #cities #trend
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The increase in basic necessities in the world has led the majority of
people
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 who live in rural areas to
move
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 to modern cities. In my opinion, both sides have negative and positive sides and I will explain each of them.  On the one hand, the most of individuals who live in the countryside
move
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 to the
city
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 to live a high standard of living
such
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 as healthcare, education, and many amenities. To illustrate,
people
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 who live in the countryside find it difficult to study at prestigious universities.
Therefore
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, they need to
move
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 to the developed countries which allows them to study at the university.
In addition
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, the countryside often suffers from a lack of good job opportunities, which leads to increasing unemployment among
people
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.
As a result
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, most of them
move
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 to the
city
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 to find a decent job and gain a higher salary. 
On the other hand
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, the biggest problems of living in a developed
city
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 are the increased pollution and global warming. To illustrate, most cities suffer from traffic congestion and they have numerous factories which lead to producing emissions and exhaust fumes.
As a result
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, that may lead to a rise in global warming which causes serious problems in the environment
such
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 as volcanos, and hurricanes, and endangers many species of animals.
Furthermore
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, increased air pollution may cause serious diseases
such
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 as lung cancer, asthma, and heart attack.
For example
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, a recent study has found
people
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 who live in modern cities may suffer more from chronic diseases compared to other individuals who live in rural areas.  In conclusion, living in a modern
city
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 may provide many negatives, particularly pollution. Meanwhile, life in the modern
city
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 enhances human life in many different aspects
Submitted by saad.444221 on

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task achievement
Ensure a more complete response to the question by directly stating whether the advantages or disadvantages outweigh the other.
task achievement
Improve clarity by avoiding vague phrases like 'both sides have negative and positive sides'
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your points.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen logical connections between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph transitions to make the essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are identified and generally supported.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of moving to cities effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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