IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that after hundred years life will be easier for most of people, while the others are unsure. What is your opinion?

#people #years #life
The new
Correct article usage
New
show examples
 technology and modern science
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 created a great impact on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. As we all
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 in the
last
 century human
life
 changed dramatically. We are enjoying the best service of science.
According to
 many
people
, there is a better time to live here than before.In my opinion, it is true and we will discuss why it is the best time to live now. First of all,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are many facilities which were not available a hundred years ago.
For example
, many services like transportation, medicine, and communication.
Advancement
Correct article usage
The advancement
show examples
 of transportation helps
people
 to travel the world rapidly. Medicine gives us a healthy and long
life
. Through
communication
Add a comma
communication,
show examples
 we can connect to anyone in the world.
For our
Change preposition
Our
show examples
 fathers and
grandfather
Fix the agreement mistake
grandfathers
show examples
 can not imagine
this
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their age. But new technology makes it possible for us. In the old
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
people
 faced many problems like lack of communication. Delay in medical treatment.
Less
Change the quantifier
Fewer
show examples
 doctors and hospital facilities. Very few airports and airline companies were available a hundred years ago.
there
Capitalize word
There
show examples
 is no electricity service in the village.
People
 facing money transfer issues.
people
 have only to send money via
money-order
Correct your spelling
money order
show examples
.
To conclude
, In my view, over the hundred years. Modern science helps
people
 to make
life
 more enjoyable. The new revolutionary technology makes men's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
connecting
Wrong verb form
connected
show examples
 and interesting.
Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the introduction by providing a clearer preview of the main points to make the essay's organization more evident.
task achievement
In the second paragraph, include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and provide a more comprehensive view of the technological advancements.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor language errors and improve sentence variety to achieve greater readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt and discusses both past and present situations to support the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and contribute to the overall structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points about advancements in transportation, medicine, and communication are well-supported, contributing to the essay's coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: