IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
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Nowadays , many people have been immigrating to other countries.
As a result
, the number of foreigners who have to speak in other languages, not their mother tongue is increasing. In
this
 situation, some people consider that speaking the country's language for immigrants could lead
negative
Change preposition
to negative
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 consequences,
while
 others believe that they would not induce severe social
problems
. In
this
 essay, I will address two diametrically opposed views and reason out the conclusion.
To begin
 with, a lot of immigrants experience the language barrier
due to
 their not fluent speaking skills. It can cause some practical
problems
.
For instance
, if they are involved in a crime, it is tough for them to defend themselves or ask for help.
Also
, if they go to a hospital, there is a possibility that they can get the wrong information, which will affect their health conditions.
As well as
this
, the phenomenon can cause social
problems
.
For example
, for some people, it is difficult to get a decent job
due to
 the communicating matters.
Thus
, they could commit a crime like robbery or pickpocket to make a living. In spite of the negative repercussions mentioned above,
however
, it could not derive serious social and practical
problems
. First of all, with the rapid development of the Internet and up-to-date technologies, there are a myriad of translator websites and applications to allow them to communicate with the natives.
In addition
 to that, they can readily search the country's social rules on the Internet to help them adjust to society.
Secondly
, there are a bunch of facilities to help them harmonize in the communities.
For example
, in Korea, every city holds a wide range of programs for immigrants from ESL classes to find a job. In conclusion, it seems to me its risks far outweigh its potential benefits, owing to the reasons described above.
Therefore
, I do agree with
this
 statement.
Submitted by mirea0124 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the issue comprehensively, but it could delve deeper into specific examples to enhance clarity. Try using more concrete, diverse examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is logical and ideas flow well, but there are minor lapses in coherence. Consider using more varied linking phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task response
You provided a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument before concluding with your own stance. This adds depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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