IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some expert believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.Do the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages. According to some academicians, it is better to introduce a foreign language in elementary school than in secondary school. I agree with this view.

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According to
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 some, learning a new
language
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 at primary
school
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 is beneficial for children compared to learning it later in secondary
school
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.
According to
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 a recent survey, student's learning capabilities are potent when they are young, and as they
age
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 their skill reduces for multiple reasons.
Hence
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, I believe younger ones exposed to new languages get better advantages compared to senior ones and I have the following comparisons to substantiate my claim.
To begin
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 with, the major advantage of starting it soon is, that it provides more
time
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 for
kids
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 to
practise
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 and learn the new
language
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. During primary
school
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, the workload for studies is minimal and
hence
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,
kids
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 can spend additional
time
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 writing & conversing with others in the new
language
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.
On the contrary
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, if they reach high
school
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, the majority of their
time
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 will be spent extensively on important academic subjects like Mathematics, Science etc and
as a result
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, they find it difficult to
practise
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 foreign languages.
For instance
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, in many
school
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 curriculums, English as a foreign
language
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 is introduced during kindergarten and in primary schools, which provides the
kids
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 with up to 7 years to learn the nuances of the
language
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.
Moreover
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, when young, most
kids
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 are happy
due to
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 plenty of game
time
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 and less study pressure. Since happy
kids
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 tend to show more eagerness towards learning new stuff, teaching and learning a new
language
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 becomes comparatively easy.
In addition
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 to that, children at a younger
age
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 do not exhibit
shyness
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. Because of that, even if they make mistakes
while
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 conversing they do not care.
However
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, for the elder children, as they mature their eagerness drops
while
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 their
shyness
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 creeps in and
hence
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, they find it extremely inconvenient to
practise
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 it in front of others, thinking they would commit mistakes.
For example
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, a child exposed to a bicycle or swimming at the tender
age
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 of 5, learns at a faster pace compared to the older ones
due to
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 the same reason. So
to conclude
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, in my opinion, teaching new languages to younger wards is advantageous because of their eagerness to learn, lack of
shyness
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 and huge free
time
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 for them to
practise
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 it.
However
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,
due to
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 study pressure and
shyness
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, senior
school
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 folks find it hard to master it as they
age
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. But, if they can break that mindset, even older
school
Use synonyms
 folks can learn as well.

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task achievement
Regarding Task Response, your essay addresses the prompt well by discussing whether young children should learn a foreign language at primary school and weighing the advantages against the disadvantages. However, the argument could be made stronger by acknowledging potential counterpoints more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, consider using transitional phrases more frequently to enhance the logical flow of ideas. For example, phrases like "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand," can help connect thoughts more fluently.
coherence cohesion
Another advice for Coherence and Cohesion would be to refine paragraph transitions. Although you have an introduction and conclusion, smoother transitions between body paragraphs would help in maintaining a logical structure throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have presented clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your essay, which is a strong point in achieving a higher score for Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both well-presented, effectively setting up the discussion and summarizing the key points.
task achievement
The specific examples you included, such as the survey and the comparison between learning a language and learning to ride a bicycle or swim, effectively support your main points.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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