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Band 6

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #women #jobs #men #logic #housework
Nowadays, the number of
women
 working full-time is increasing and on par with
men
. So, many people believe that
housework
 should be shared equitably between husbands and wives. From my point of view, I greatly agree with
this
 statement. The first reason is that equitable sharing of
housework
 between husband and wife helps
women
 reduce
work
 pressure not only at
work
 but
also
 at home, for their roles in modern society have changed tremendously over the years.
Women
 still undertake full-time jobs like
men
 and they always try to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their assigned tasks, so it is necessary to have the share of
men
 to reduce the burden and pressure for
women
. When the household chores are shared with
men
such
 as taking care of their children, cleaning the house or cooking and some things like that,
women
 will have time for chilling out and entertainment because they deserve a proper rest after a
hard-working
Correct your spelling
hard working
show examples
 day as
men
.
Therefore
,
women
 can spend time with children if they receive help from
men
.
In addition
, splitting family tasks can create a successful gender equality environment with an emphasis on mutual support and respect.
For example
, if
work
 is given equally between parents, the efficiency of working in the home is better and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 children understand that no one is exempt from family duties.
Besides
, sharing
housework
 is a way to show our love and care for our dear family.
This
 will help family affection become strong, sociable and close. It can be expressed through simple acts of interest like washing dishes after meals
instead
 of wives.
Men
 will gradually understand the value of
work
 if they help
women
 in
housework
. To recapitulate,
women
 are no longer limited to the traditional role of doing all the same tasks as domestic servants, so the division of household
work
 is encouraged not only to minimize the burden on the
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 but
also
 to show gender equality. I think it makes sense for both males and females
in sharing
Change preposition
to share
show examples
 household chores.
Submitted by Thanh on

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task achievement
Although your essay effectively covers the major reasons why housework should be shared, you can enhance the clarity by providing even more examples on how shared housework has personally benefited specific families or statistics if applicable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Consider using more transitional phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', or 'As a result' to enhance the reader's understanding of the logical progression of your ideas.
task achievement
You made an excellent point about how gender equality in household duties creates a respectful and supportive environment.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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