Young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has a negative effect on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In today's world, more and more juveniles prefer to utilise their time in shopping
centres
instead
of extra-curricular activities which is likely to negatively impact individuals as well as
society. This
writer totally disagrees with this
statement due to
the fact that the convenience of shopping malls along with
the financial benefits for institutions.
It is vital to understand that shopping centres
play a fundamental role in allocating an abundance of facilities for social needs. As many youngsters tend to spend their major time in shopping centres
for personal purposes, those centres
encompass a variety of activities for adolescents to take part in. When the young community have a habit of playing sports, they possibly come up with the idea of doing exercises in a gym which is located in the shopping centres
due to
its high security. Additionally
, if young society wants to purchase some daily products, shopping malls will be reliable places which provide the young public with high-quality goods. Take Aeon Mall in Ho Chi Minh City as an example, where most of the young students in Tan Phu District often partly attend this
shopping centre as it includes shopping areas, recreational activities, educational facilities, a gym or even a theatre.
Financial advantages for businesses must also
be considered. This
is because the demand for young consumers has soared for many years, the corporations related to shopping centres
should take responsibility for this
phenomenon in return for satisfying teenagers. As a result
, with its affordable prices and the latest goods, young people will definitely pay a personal fortune to own those products which may be integral in their daily routines. This
situation leads to a huge amount of remunerative profits that will economically benefit these enterprises, aiming to boost the social economy. Thus
, the young population spending their leisure time in shopping malls have a beneficial contribution to enhancing the country's economy.
Hence
, the increasing number of teenagers engaging in shopping centres
positively influences individuals and society due to
the fact that it improves the social economy along with
providing daily convenience.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
While the essay gives a clear stance and supports its points reasonably well, try to discuss both sides of the argument before reinforcing your viewpoint. It would show a more balanced and critical analysis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph flows logically from one to the next. The use of linkers is good, but better transitions can enhance readability. Try to connect your ideas more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise. Be cautious of overly complex sentences which might obscure your main points. Simplicity can often lead to clearer communication.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, advocating for the positive effects of young people spending time in shopping malls.
task achievement
It presents relevant and specific examples, such as the mention of Aeon Mall in Ho Chi Minh City, which effectively illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that all tie together well.
coherence cohesion
The use of transitional phrases is effective, aiding the flow of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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