The chart below shows how much money is spent in the budget on different sectors by the UAE government in 2000.

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The supplied pie chart indicates the amount of
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which was spent in the budget on various parts by the United Arab Emirates government in 2000. A glance at the graph reveals that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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spent more
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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social security and health and personal services than other services like law and order transport and industry etc. Nearly half of the budget was spent on health,personal services and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

social security,respectively 53
billion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and 100
billion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in UAE in 2000.(Which was the highest
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in that year).
moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,just over a third of
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

money
Add an article
the money

The noun phrase money seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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was invested
for
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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education roughly 38
billion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in UAE IN 2000. The United Arab Emirates did not prefer to invest the budget in some sections like transport,law and order,housing,heritage and environment and they comprised a tiny fraction.
similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly

If you don’t want similary to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, following parts like Defence,education and other
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures

It seems that expenditure may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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included small
proporation
Correct your spelling
corporations

If you don’t want proporation to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

like 17billion for law and order and 13
billion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for industry,agriculture and employment.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words money, billion with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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