IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. What are the reasons for using such products? What effects do they have in terms of health and society?

In many countries, especially in Asia, Africa, and parts of the Middle East,
products
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 that lighten or whiten the
skin
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 are widely marketed and consumed. The popularity of these
products
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 can be explained by cultural perceptions of beauty and social advantages,
while
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 their impacts raise serious concerns for both public
health
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 and society. One major reason people
use
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skin
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-lightening
products
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 is the long-standing belief that fair
skin
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 is more attractive and desirable. In some societies, lighter
skin
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 is associated with higher social status, wealth, and better marriage prospects.
This
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 idea is often reinforced by advertising, social media, and the entertainment industry, where celebrities and models typically have lighter complexions.
As a result
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, individuals may feel pressure to conform to these beauty standards in order to gain confidence, acceptance, or economic opportunities,
such
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 as improved career prospects in customer-facing roles.
However
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, the widespread
use
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 of these
products
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 has significant negative effects on
health
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. Many
skin
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-whitening creams contain harmful substances
such
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 as mercury, steroids, or hydroquinone. Prolonged
use
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 can lead to
skin
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 thinning, permanent
discoloration
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discolouration
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, kidney damage, or increased risk of
skin
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 cancer. In countries with weak regulation, consumers may unknowingly expose themselves to serious long-term
health
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 risks. From a societal perspective, the popularity of
skin
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-lightening
products
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 reinforces discrimination based on
skin
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 colour. It promotes the idea that darker
skin
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 is inferior, which can damage self-esteem and perpetuate social inequality.
This
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 mindset particularly affects young people, who may grow up believing their natural appearance is unacceptable. In conclusion, people
use
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skin
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-whitening
products
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 mainly
due to
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 cultural beauty standards and perceived social advantages.
However
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, these
products
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 pose serious
health
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 risks and contribute to harmful social attitudes. Greater regulation and public education are needed to promote acceptance of natural
skin
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 tones and protect public
health
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.

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development
The essay has a clear view and covers key points. To raise the score, add a few more facts or short examples of how people feel and what health rules do.
coherence
Link ideas more smoothly with more linking words. Use steps like first, also, because, and as a result.
content
Give more full detail for the ideas so the reader sees depth.
organization
Clear start, middle, and end.
coherence
Good use of link words like However and In conclusion.
content
Covers both health and social effects.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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