Marketers should not be allowed to target children in their advertisements. Would you agree or disagree with this statement?
Currently, it can not be denied that
the
Correct article usage
apply
advertisements
have an influence in
people’s daily Change preposition
on
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Therefore
, marketers should come up with ideas that can persuade consumers to purchase the products
. In my opinion, children
should not be targeted in this
industry. Since they are still unable to buy something by themselves.
Firstly
, children
cannot make their own decisions on purchasing something. They have to be allowed by their parents. As a result
, it will be double decisions, from
Change preposition
for
kids
and parents. This
has a negative impact for
the Change preposition
on
makekters
. The company will hardly get many profits and the number of sold Correct your spelling
marketers
products
may be limited. Therefore
, the companies may produce an ads
directly to parents who have the ability to afford the Correct the article-noun agreement
ads
an ad
products
.
Furthermore
, there are still some of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
advertisements
which its
contents Correct pronoun usage
whose
were
inappropriate for Wrong verb form
are
children
to watch. Because they are lack of critical thinking and skills of understanding than adults. They can be easily tricked. For instance
, the
harmful Correct article usage
apply
advertisements
can led
to inappropriate behaviors in Change the verb form
lead
be led
kids
like eating unhealthy food. Thus
, It is also
very important to note that companies should follow ethics when they advertise their products
because kids
will grow up to be consumers in few
years.
In my opinion, Correct article usage
a few
although
some people believe that marketers should be allowed to target children
in their advertisements
, I disagree with this
. Since the marketers will get less profits
from Fix the agreement mistake
profit
kids
and
the Correct word choice
apply
advertisements
should be limited or strictly controlled by the government. The company should be careful when producing ads for kids
.Submitted by rasita.pare on
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introduction
Although your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, it would benefit from a well-defined thesis statement to clarify your stand from the beginning. Try to clearly state your main argument in the introduction.
supported main points
Some of your points need stronger supporting details or examples. For instance, you might elaborate on how children being unable to buy products themselves impacts the advertising industry.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant examples to back up your arguments. The provided example of unhealthy food advertisements could be better explained with statistics or real-world cases.
sentence structure
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. Minor grammatical errors do not overshadow your message but refining them can make your argument more persuasive.
introduction
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes your essay easy to follow.
logical structure
The essay is fairly well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point.
supported main points
You make valid points regarding the vulnerability of children to advertising and the ethical considerations involved.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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