some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Recently, there have been growing concerns about teenage
criminals
. As an answer to this
issue, some people
have claimed that young people
should be punished in the same ways as adults
. This
is true; however
, I personally disagree with this
statement because teenagers are able to be improved.
Firstly
, teenagers are too young to recognize bad crimes
. They are more immature and inexperienced than adults
so they cannot realise how their acts will negatively affect others. I understand that without being taught about morality, they could not acknowledge serious crimes
. For instance
, if guardians such
as parents or teachers have never taught their children
about robbing, children
will likely take friends' things just because they look attractive. They couldn't imagine why it was a crime. Hence
, I suggest that since children
lack of ability to judge crimes
, we should give them chances to realize morality themselves.
Moreover
, if we put harsh punishments
like adults
, children
will lose their self-confidence. Having strong punishments
, young people
will be discouraged from improving their lives. For example
, it is hard for them to get a job or go to University because they are marked as criminals
which has many restrictions on living. Another concern is that our society can miss intelligent individuals by giving punishments
. Giving limitations on people
who were punished before, those people
cannot show their abilities even if they are genius about something. Therefore
, I believe we should improve programs for young criminals
to develop their abilities rather than just punishing them.
In conclusion, I firmly disagree that young criminals
should be punished harshly like adults
because this
can hinder them from improving their capabilities and they are too young to judge their behaviours. For these reasons, I think, instead
of providing punishments
, we need to assist young people
to prevent serious crimes
.Submitted by kchengii on
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets the context of your argument well. However, you could strengthen it by briefly outlining the main points that you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
The essay is mostly clear and coherent, but occasionally the sentences are a bit awkward. Try to vary your sentence structure and use more complex sentences to improve the flow.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, but be sure to explain your examples fully to show exactly how they relate to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Transitions are used effectively, but make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to improve cohesion.
task achievement
Your argument is well-reasoned and you address both sides of the issue effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, which is very important for clarity.
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