IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In some contries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#contries #home #people #be #case #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Owning houses has been considered as a primary aspect more than renting in several countries. In
this
 essay, The reasons and both the advantages and disadvantages will be discussed before reaching my conclusion.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons that people lean towards owning their houses.
Firstly
, it is a tradition or custom in several countries that a family needs to live together.
For instance
, the direct family which has more than 5 members needs rooms for each person.
Hence
, renting a large apartment room to support their members' needs can cost the family more than purchasing a
house
.
Secondly
, some parents want to purchase a
house
 in order to make sure that their offspring still have a place to live in the future. The senior generations understand that renting accommodations is not stable enough
due to
 the fact that a contract that they have made with a landlord can be cancelled at any time.
In addition
, buying their own places brings both positive and negative effects. On the one hand, The family will have their own space and privacy. Helping them find a place to relax their stress from living in a hectic city.
For example
, They might have spaces to exercise to take care of their health or build a big lounge for spending their precious time together.
On the other hand
, even if parents buy the
house
. They cannot guarantee that their children will stay in
this
 place when they grow up.
Otherwise
, it can be a waste of money. All in all, it is true that families need to purchase their own residence
instead
 of renting in some countries.
However
, it has both benefits and negative sides of buying the
house
, buyers should consider all aspects before making a decision.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement within the introduction to explicitly state your viewpoint on whether it is a positive or negative situation. This helps to set clear expectations for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the coherence between paragraphs by using more transitional phrases and linking words. This will make your arguments flow more smoothly and logically.
task achievement
Your essay covers both reasons and impacts of owning a home versus renting, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing your discussion within a defined scope.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: