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Writing Samples
Band 5

People aim to achieve a balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. what are the causes of this problem? How lo overcome il?

#people #aim #balance #work #lives #il
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Nowadays, many
people
 fail to maintain both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their work and lives
due to
 the lack of discipline.
However
, there are many solutions to achieve
this
 balance.
Firstly
, one of the reasons for
increasing
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an increasing
the increasing
show examples
 number of
people
 facing
this
 problem is the absence of productivity, which can really help one to keep up with all the things that they need to do
in
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on
show examples
 a daily basis.
Secondly
, working overtime or relaxing too much can have a negative impact
for
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on
show examples
 the opposing side of a person.
For example
, excessive work for extra money can be tiring and
therefore
this
 person will have no
time
 to spend with his family and that can affect the children's view about their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
.
Finally
,
people
's own interests and hobbies can
also
 influence their
time
 management. There are several ways to truly achieve the balance in these fields. By going to
webinar
Fix the agreement mistake
webinars
show examples
 or attending lessons about
time
 management, we can enhance our skills to use our
time
 with
mind
Correct pronoun usage
our mind
show examples
 and
thus
 keep up with our lives, work and even additional activities. Discipline is
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 the tool by which
people
 can learn
to
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apply
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not to waste
time
 in vain, achieve their goals and
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 the best version of themselves.
For instance
,
people
 can set up all the tasks that must be completed within a month, divide them into daily tasks, and do them day by day,
thus
 they can do small things
everyday
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every day
show examples
 and Finish all of their duties
at the end
 of the month.
While
,
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apply
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 it is difficult for pupils to reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance
on
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in
show examples
 their
workfield
Correct your spelling
work field
 and lives, it can be solved by particular methods of
time
 management.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task by discussing both the causes and solutions for the problem of work-life balance. However, to achieve a higher score, it would have been better to elaborate on each cause and solution a bit more to show a deeper understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for causes and solutions. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Introducing more specific examples and details would make your arguments stronger and more convincing. Try to include real-life scenarios or statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more impactful. The introduction can briefly hint at some of the main points you'll discuss, and the conclusion can wrap up the essay more comprehensively.
task achievement
You clearly identified the problem and provided relevant solutions, which indicates a good understanding of the essay topic.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are organized into paragraphs, making it easy for the reader to follow your thoughts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: The equilibrium between personal life and career work.
  • Burnout: Physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress.
  • Time management: The process of organizing and planning how to divide your time between different activities.
  • Financial pressures: Economic demands that might force someone to prioritize work over personal life.
  • Overcommitting: Taking on more responsibilities than one can handle.
  • Technological advancements: Innovations in technology that make it easier to stay connected to work outside of office hours.
  • Societal expectations: Cultural norms and beliefs that influence people's behavior and decisions.
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