IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The range of technology availabe to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has opposite effect. Dicuss both views and give your opinions.

#range #technology #availabe #people #gap #effect #dicuss
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Is it in the modern era individuals are fascinated by instant things.
This
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 writer believes that
this
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 activity has a negative impact on human society and will write an essay to express his statement. First of all. It can not be undeniable that human attraction and
keeping
Verb problem
apply
show examples
patient ability will
be fallen
Wrong verb form
fall
show examples
 down the cause of the usual of providing anything in a short time.
Furthermore
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, the lack of concentration and patience is the reason why individuals turn fast-based, do not have enough skill set and can not be put up with high pressure for a long time.
Additionally
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, it is clear to say that the gap between individuals will increase if they continue living in too hurry, especially with the fall down of communication, the lack of living in harmony with each other and the break of sympathy with someone else. In conclusion,
although
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 living constantly is convenient the gap between people and people will rise and make every single one of us more apathetic
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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction that addresses both views and your opinion
task achievement
Use more concrete examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to increase the overall coherence.
task achievement
Provide more elaboration on each main point to make the essay more comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating varied and complex sentence structures to improve readability.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views, although it could be more explicitly stated.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion does effectively summarize the viewpoint of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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