IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that volunteer programs should be regularly as an academic program in high school. I strongly agree, that
community
Use synonyms
 service is good for personal
development
Use synonyms
 and soft skills for
children
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will get more positive materials from the programs. They will learn help to others and become responsible.
However
Linking Words
, being a part of volunteer programs will help them to be more responsible for some issues.
For example
Linking Words
, study
community
Use synonyms
 for younger people. Students share their knowledge with younger
children
Use synonyms
 and many
children
Use synonyms
 lack of financial stability to take paid tutoring as they learn to explain complex concepts in a way
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
 easily understandable to others.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is a great idea for personal
development
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as empathy, responsibility, and sensibility in the teenage time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, mandatory
community
Use synonyms
 service for young learners provides an opportunity for the
development
Use synonyms
 of essential soft skills
such
Linking Words
 as communication, leadership, teamwork, and problem-solving. Neighborhood projects will bring various backgrounds and cultures to students and they should interact and understand among peers to collaborate.
This
Linking Words
 can promote social cohesion from a young age.
For instance
Linking Words
, when students work together they should share ideas to solve issues which need good communication, teamwork, and problem-solving.
This
Linking Words
 experience can contribute to their academic pursuits, future careers, and personal relationships. In conclusion, making unpaid
community
Use synonyms
 services part of high school programmes offers numerous benefits in terms of personal
development
Use synonyms
, building responsibility, and building social cohesion. Considering all the benefits it can bring, it is suggested that
community
Use synonyms
 service should be compulsory in the high school curriculum.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the importance of community service in high schools, but try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that ideas flow logically by using more linking phrases, and consider separating ideas into paragraphs more clearly.
Task Achievement
Clarify some of the points, such as the benefit of tutoring, by explaining how sharing knowledge concretely impacts both the student and recipients.
Task Achievement
You've clearly articulated the benefits of community service, such as personal development and skill-building.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, creating a complete response structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've effectively conveyed your opinion on the issue, which is consistent throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: