IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The problem of homelessness is on the rise in several significant urban centers globally. What is the main cause of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it by communities and governments?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays the slum areas are being soared
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
 which depicts the increment of displaced
people
Use synonyms
 in numerous nations. The main cause of
this
Linking Words
 is a high rate of illiteracy and to the extent that
government
Use synonyms
 should take involvement to solve
this
Linking Words
 by improving infrastructure and launching a
welfare
Use synonyms
 scheme. homeless is mainly caused by the high rate of illiteracy, from beginning of the journey of poor
people
Use synonyms
 start with begging,
this
Linking Words
 is because they are influenced by their
parents
Use synonyms
 and follow up what they do;
for example
Linking Words
, if their
parents
Use synonyms
 are beggar
then
Linking Words
 their son will
also
Linking Words
 become a beggar, but in today's era, a human being can not survive by begging, the reason why many
parents
Use synonyms
 are influencing their children to study. Studying in governemnt school is way much harder because of poor infrastructure.
In addition
Linking Words
, several students are hoping to get well educated but because the
government
Use synonyms
 is not showing any interest in education like improving schools, or appointing well-educated teachers. If poor
people
Use synonyms
 have to be educated
then
Linking Words
 the
government
Use synonyms
 has to show some interest so that after getting educated they can get a well-off
day
Use synonyms
 and settle themself and their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, our state should announce
welfare
Use synonyms
 scheme so that before getting the job they should have support for their survival.
For example
Linking Words
, in
welfare
Use synonyms
 scheme,
government
Use synonyms
 will help poor
people
Use synonyms
 by paying off their salary which they deserve. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 the number of homeless
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
, the
government
Use synonyms
 can help these civilians by providing
welfare
Use synonyms
 schemes and improving infrastructure

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the key aspects of the task, identifying the high rate of illiteracy as a primary cause of homelessness and suggesting government intervention as a solution. However, it would benefit from a broader exploration of causes and solutions, incorporating multiple perspectives to present a more comprehensive analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally coherent and cohesive, with a logical flow of ideas. However, minor issues in sentence structure and grammar, such as "homeless" instead of "homelessness" and "beggar" should be "beggars," detract from the overall clarity. Work on refining these elements to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Paragraph structure could be improved. For example, the first body paragraph could be split into two - one focusing on the influence of parents on children’s education and another on the challenges in government schools. This will help in presenting clear, well-defined ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion. This shows an understanding of the structure needed for an IELTS essay.
task response
The use of examples, such as the influence of parents on children’s education, adds depth and specificity to the arguments, making them more persuasive.
task response
The essay's focus on government intervention and welfare schemes demonstrates a thoughtful approach to solving the problem, addressing both immediate and long-term needs of homeless individuals.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: