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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
students
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 are striving to succeed academically under the high pressure of society.
While
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 some argue that school programs should be structured to only include academic
subjects
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, I firmly believe that non-academic
subjects
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 are
also
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 essential to learning social and household
skills
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.
This
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 essay will explore why social
subjects
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 are as important as academic
courses
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. Non-academic
courses
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 play a vital role in learning basic social
skills
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. If these
courses
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 are removed from the syllabus
then
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 it can be hard for the
students
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 to develop the qualities required in their everyday life.
For example
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,
subjects
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 like physical education can teach children to respect the boundaries of privacy, and it can foster good ethics. By learning these social
skills
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, young people can contribute efficiently to the betterment of society.
Furthermore
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, learning
skills
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 which can help in household work is
also
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 beneficial for the youth.
Although
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 these are not considered as valuable as learning technical
skills
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, life can be hard if these things are not learned.
For instance
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, cooking
skills
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 are required in every household, and without these
skills
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Add a comma
,
show examples
survival can be difficult. So, non-academic
courses
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 can help young persons to learn these underrated
skills
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. Admittedly,
students
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 should fully concentrate on their academic work. But there should be some dedicated time to study non-academic
subjects
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along with
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 other
courses
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. A good balance of both types of programs can elevate the lifestyle of the people. In conclusion, academic
subjects
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 are crucial for
students
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 to pursue their careers and achieve academic goals, but the importance of non-academic
subjects
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 cannot be neglected. A balanced program structure containing both types of
subjects
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 can be fruitful for both academic and social development.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on how both non-academic and academic subjects can coexist in a balanced educational framework for even higher clarity.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the use of complex sentence structures to bring more sophistication into your argument, which can aid in achieving a higher score.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, emphasizing the importance of non-academic subjects while acknowledging academic needs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a logical structure with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively used relevant examples to support your argument, such as the importance of cooking skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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