IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Scientists and technology experts are more valuable to society than artists.To what extent do you agree with this view?

#scientists #technology #experts #society #artists
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Science and
technology
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technology
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 have played a very important role in uplifting the human race. The level of modernization and globalization that has been reached is because of new emerging technologies . In my essay, I will be discussing how
scientists
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 and
artists
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 are important parts of our society.
Scientists
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 and
technology
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 play a crucial role in the development of the nation. With the help of
technology
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, many problems have been eradicated from the root cause. Nowadays, it is very easy to make payments through QR codes, With the help of
technology
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, the burden and risk of carrying cash have been solved. It has become very easy to diagnose the diseases and can take proper treatment before time.
Scientists
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 have built lot of intruments which can predict natural disasters like earthquake, tsunamis, heavy rain and tornado ahead of time so people can take necessary precautions.
For instance
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, In Japan the government send red alerts to the residents before the earthquake strikes, so people take necessary action, which causes fewer casualties.
On the other hand
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,
artists
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 play a very important part in preserving the culture of any community. If
artists
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 are not present, we will not be aware of the traditions, art, or rituals of our ancestors.
Artists
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 not only keep the art alive but
also
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 make sure that we are aware of our roots. They bring glory to the nation by representing the nation at the international level and bring accolades.
To conclude
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, I would like to say that both
Scientists
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 and
technology
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along with
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artists
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 are important for the development of the country and to create a balance between the world of modernisation and traditions.
Submitted by neelima.sharma60 on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and a conclusion, effectively setting the stage and summarizing the discussion. However, the introduction could be more specific and concise.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is organized, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be more fluid and natural. This would help the reader follow the argument more easily.
supported main points
The main points are supported to an extent but would benefit from more detailed explanations and evidence. Some claims, like the role of artists, can be elaborated further to strengthen the argument.
complete response
The essay responds to the task fairly well, comparing the roles of scientists and artists. However, it misses the opportunity to delve deeper into why one might be considered more valuable than the other.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, but paragraphs could be more focused on specific aspects of the argument. This can enhance clarity and depth of analysis.
relevant specific examples
Specific examples are relevant but can be more varied and detailed. For instance, providing real-world examples of how art has influenced society can add depth to the discussion.
structure
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction that leads into the discussion and a coherent conclusion that wraps up the arguments.
balance
The discussion balances both sides of the argument, giving adequate attention to the roles of both scientists and artists in society.
examples
The examples, particularly those involving technology and natural disaster prediction in Japan, are relevant and informative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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