IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

It is true that taking care of
children
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 and having some well-brought-up kids are the most substantial matters in all societies. It seems a practical approach to train
parents
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 via some
courses
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 in order to fulfil
this
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 aim.
However
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, I do not believe that all
parents
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 should be obligated to pass these
courses
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.
Parents
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 should be taught perfectly about every detail of how to bring up a child.
That is
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, there are plenty of intricate points on the path of raising a newborn either physically or mentally, especially for those
of
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apply
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parents
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 who are experiencing
this
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 for the first time which can be caught via some
courses
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.
For instance
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, every parent should be aware of medical first aid in case of coming across emergency affairs. What is more,
parents
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 should be well-educated about
children
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’s psychology to some extent in order to comprehend their concerns and emotions and relate to them tolerantly to establish a close-knit relationship with them and raise well-adjusted
children
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.
This
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 is
on the other hand
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 impossible to make all
parents
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 pass these
courses
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 based on different reasons.
First,
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it is not reasonable to expect all the
parents
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 to attend these classes actively as there may be some financial or even cultural boundaries deterring them from prioritizing these trainings in their lives. Take some poor uneducated
parents
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 who prefer to work harder and tackle their basic financial issues rather than nurturing their
children
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.
Second,
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they may not need
such
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courses
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due to
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 some reasons; being a professional psychologist or practitioner and even having the experience of raising other prior
children
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 might make
parents
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 needless
of being
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to be
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 trained again and it would be redundant. In conclusion, well-bred
children
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 having a stable
bring-up
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upbringing
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 is what all
parents
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 from different parts of the world are concerned about.
This
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 can be gained by educating
parents
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 via some
courses
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.
However
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, I believe
this
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 is not convenient for all of them and should not be obligatory.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are supported with additional relevant details and explanations to improve clarity and depth.
coherence and cohesion
Work on ensuring a smoother flow between paragraphs to enhance the logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
Strengthen your examples to better illustrate your points and make them more impactful.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the benefits of parenting courses and the reasons against making them obligatory.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction presents a clear position on the topic, setting up a thoughtful discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parenting skills
  • Child development
  • Mandatory courses
  • Nutrition
  • Discipline strategies
  • Effective communication
  • Government regulations
  • Voluntary workshops
  • Community support
  • Cultural backgrounds
  • Personal beliefs
  • Emotionally stable
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