In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
Nowadays,
people
's consideration about healthiness is increasing and Use synonyms
obesity
is a notable problem that should be considered Use synonyms
due to
the possibility of health problems that might occur. There are individuals Linking Words
that
opine Correct pronoun usage
who that
the
Correct article usage
apply
food
advertisements have influenced Use synonyms
people
to consume Use synonyms
junk
Use synonyms
food
. Use synonyms
However
, there are still Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
that
believe the rising number of Correct pronoun usage
who
obesity
has nothing to do with the advertisements.
Research proves some ingredients in Use synonyms
junk
Use synonyms
food
are not healthy to consume at regular times, Use synonyms
however
, Linking Words
this
proof is not comparable with the influence of Linking Words
ads
that illustrate it in mouth-watering scenes. Use synonyms
People
tend to Use synonyms
interested
in the Add a missing verb
be interested
ads
because visuals Use synonyms
has
more impact on Change the verb form
have
convinicing
someone, Correct your spelling
convincing
thus
, it enhances the possibility for individuals to be Linking Words
consumtive
and order the Correct your spelling
consumptive
junk
Use synonyms
food
they advertise. As Use synonyms
result
, the unhealthy ingredients that Correct article usage
a result
contains
in Wrong verb form
are contained
junk
Use synonyms
food
are consumed by Use synonyms
people
and increase the risk of Use synonyms
obesity
. Use synonyms
For example
, in Indonesia, there was a boy that Linking Words
weigths
over 200 kilograms Correct your spelling
weighed
due to
the high Linking Words
consumptions
of Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
junk
Use synonyms
food
that he found tempting in television Use synonyms
ads
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, some societies claim that Linking Words
the
advertisements have an impact Correct article usage
apply
only
Change preposition
on only
at
minimum number of Correct your spelling
a
obesity
cases. Many Use synonyms
people
testify that Use synonyms
people
watch the Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
ads
solely because they want to know the products not to consume them and Use synonyms
although
they find it interesting, it depends on their self-control to keep the dietary habits. Linking Words
Furthermore
, there are many reasons that lead to Linking Words
obesity
; lifestyle, bad habits and lack of physical activities. Use synonyms
Thus
, it proves that the Linking Words
ads
only impact Use synonyms
people
at the bare minimum.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, it is freedom of choice for markets to advertise their product in a creative way to enhance the Linking Words
custumers
consumption. Correct your spelling
customers
customer
However
, it is wise to apply the information about the healthiness of the products rather than only manipulate Linking Words
people
.Use synonyms
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure that you directly address all parts of the task. The essay should explicitly discuss both views and present your opinion clearly. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion before drawing a conclusion.
task achievement
The ideas in the essay need to be developed more thoroughly. Try to elaborate on each point with additional supporting details or examples. This will help in presenting a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas. The essay should have clear, well-connected points that progress logically from one to the next. Using transition words and phrases can help in achieving this.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the main points are properly supported with examples. Avoid mentioning new ideas in the conclusion section; summarize the key points discussed instead.
language
Revise sentences to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and vocabulary usage.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion. It mentions the issue of obesity and the role of junk food advertising.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced discussion.
relevant specific examples
Usage of an example (the Indonesian boy) effectively supports the argument about the impact of junk food advertising.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example