In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Write at least 250 words
Nowadays,
people
's consideration about healthiness is increasing and obesity
is a notable problem that should be considered due to
the possibility of health problems that might occur. There are individuals that
opine Correct pronoun usage
who that
the
Correct article usage
apply
food
advertisements have influenced people
to consume junk
food
. However
, there are still people
that
believe the rising number of Correct pronoun usage
who
obesity
has nothing to do with the advertisements.
Research proves some ingredients in junk
food
are not healthy to consume at regular times, however
, this
proof is not comparable with the influence of ads
that illustrate it in mouth-watering scenes. People
tend to interested
in the Add a missing verb
be interested
ads
because visuals has
more impact on Change the verb form
have
convinicing
someone, Correct your spelling
convincing
thus
, it enhances the possibility for individuals to be consumtive
and order the Correct your spelling
consumptive
junk
food
they advertise. As result
, the unhealthy ingredients that Correct article usage
a result
contains
in Wrong verb form
are contained
junk
food
are consumed by people
and increase the risk of obesity
. For example
, in Indonesia, there was a boy that weigths
over 200 kilograms Correct your spelling
weighed
due to
the high consumptions
of Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
junk
food
that he found tempting in television ads
.
On the other hand
, some societies claim that the
advertisements have an impact Correct article usage
apply
only
Change preposition
on only
at
minimum number of Correct your spelling
a
obesity
cases. Many people
testify that people
watch the food
ads
solely because they want to know the products not to consume them and although
they find it interesting, it depends on their self-control to keep the dietary habits. Furthermore
, there are many reasons that lead to obesity
; lifestyle, bad habits and lack of physical activities. Thus
, it proves that the ads
only impact people
at the bare minimum.
To sum up
, it is freedom of choice for markets to advertise their product in a creative way to enhance the custumers
consumption. Correct your spelling
customers
customer
However
, it is wise to apply the information about the healthiness of the products rather than only manipulate people
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Ensure that you directly address all parts of the task. The essay should explicitly discuss both views and present your opinion clearly. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion before drawing a conclusion.
task achievement
The ideas in the essay need to be developed more thoroughly. Try to elaborate on each point with additional supporting details or examples. This will help in presenting a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas. The essay should have clear, well-connected points that progress logically from one to the next. Using transition words and phrases can help in achieving this.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the main points are properly supported with examples. Avoid mentioning new ideas in the conclusion section; summarize the key points discussed instead.
language
Revise sentences to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and vocabulary usage.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion. It mentions the issue of obesity and the role of junk food advertising.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced discussion.
relevant specific examples
Usage of an example (the Indonesian boy) effectively supports the argument about the impact of junk food advertising.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example